On Abandonment

"Nothing veils a star" (Aurelius, book 11, chapter 27) and we too, should confront existence with no intermediary. Indeed, we are "thrown into existence" (Aho, 2023) and in that existence, we immediately are encumbered with veils in the forms of pre-conceived meaning, religious and philosophical shackles, genetic predispositions, cultural responsibilities and expected duties. Many of these veils were placed there by our parents. Some of us willingly accepted the veils, while others of us have been figuring out ways to cast them off in order to see existence clearly and with our own eyes. Fortunately, for some, the beginning of the un-veiling takes place in the form of abandonment.

Abandonment can take a couple of forms. Whereas an individual relied on some notion for guidance, and that concept or belief failed to prove accurate or useful, then that person experiences abandonment in the form of broken trust. The other form of abandonment would be pure and simple subtraction of an idea, a person or a belief. Sometimes a single event of abandonment may fit both descriptions.

Abandonment may trigger fear and anxiety, or perhaps instill confidence. Regardless, the opportunity for growth and resilience are present with each abandonment, in that the definition and clarity of existence moves from low-fidelity to a higher fidelity until one can, eventually, comprehend existence as it is.

When Nietzsche declared the death of God, he was observing what had already transpired in the hearts of men for quite some time - that "God may have been an illusion, but ... a necessary illusion" (Gravil & Addis, 2007, p. 21). While God supplied aim, values, emotional relief and fortitude and even a future, the lived experience of man could not be fully supported by those dogmas. What he was taught on Sunday did not fully equip him on Monday, Tuesday, or any other day of the week. God abandoned man. Truthfully, however, all along, God was a creation of man and man abandoned that creation. Even for the Christian Kierkegaard, God could not be objectively ascertained (2007). Therefore, while some men may proclaim God is alive and well, he nonetheless must admit that his experience is one of faith and, at best, a belief, else eight billion people might agree on the definition and objectivity of God like they agree the sun shines.

All people must be abandoned or experienced abandonment. If they have the will to live and exist, each abandonment yields a stronger, sharper existence. While some abandonments are temporary, and others are permanent, with each successive sense of isolation, the individual is forced to use his own devices or seek help from others in his sphere - he must swim, or sink. His use of his rational thinking and volition (what is 'up to him') is what he must rely on if he is going to swim.

Below are a few reflections of milestone-abandonments, from my life, and how I dealt with each one.

I was seemingly fortunate in my childhood to avoid abandonments. Family, community, school, church and God were all relatively stable aspects of my life. My parents did not divorce, as did many of my friends' parents in the early 1980s and 1990s. There were no attacks on my religion or religion in general for that matter. My friends and I attended church on Sundays, went to school and played sports during the week, achieved our Scout badges and awards, served our community, and generally we got along and were decent kids. I felt secure in many aspects.

Certainly with visual reminders like the image to the side (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2023), my confidence in some mental and moral foundation rested in Christ. Entwined in that mental paradigm was family and community.

But despite religious reassurances, I still suffered temporary, local abandonments. Being the youngest of seven children, my older siblings all left for college while I was still in public school. Some of the older ones would come home to visit at times, and when the hour arrived for them to drive back to college, I felt an immense sense of abandonment. To this day, I feel the sting of tears in my eyes and the pain in my gut and heart as I sat on the porch and watched them pull out of the driveway, down the street and out of sight.

Leaving the nest of home to go to college and a church mission to Guatemala felt like a deeper abandonment. The structure of church and school and being with friends and like-minded people softened the blow, but despite these lifelines, the fear and anxiety of saying goodbye, first to my parents after they dropped me off at the MTC, and then later saying goodbye to my brother and sister at the San Francisco airport, en route to Guatemala City, brought a harsh new reality of feeling alone.

3000 miles away from home and 6000 miles away from my parents (who were in Prague), living in the lush highland jungles of Guatemala brough a fresh new realization of abandonment. My courage was fortified not only in Christ, but also by the words of the prophets in the scriptures and the leaders in the Mormon church, both local and global. More experienced missionaries also were a succor to my homesickness and longing for old comforts. At that time, I had not known of Seneca's toti se inserens mundo (Seneca, 2024, Letter 66) but I certainly tossed myself into the work and service in front of me. In fact, early on, while living in Zona 18 in Pinares del Norte, I was so overcome with homesickness, I took all reminders, photos and letters of my family and stuffed them in the bottom of a suitcase and vowed to never look at them until I got over these emotions. My focus and attention, directed at learning Spanish, talking to people and serving others, proved to be the solution for overcoming the sense of isolation and abandonment. And while the spiritual practices of prayer and reading scripture were helpful, it was attending to the matters at present which ultimately resolved the fear and anxiety.

If homesickness weren't enough, I also had to manage being ill in a foreign country. I don't know what it was, but a doctor informed me that I contracted a virus. Some 29 years later, all I remember is being very sick and having the worse migraine in my life. Someone made the decision to send me to a hospital and I ended up spending a night being cared for. The next day, I was released to the care of other missionaries who kept an eye on me while I made a full recovery. During that time, I met Moses Vargas, to whom I disclosed my homesickness and loneliness.  He helped me understand I was not alone and that I lived and worked and existed alongside several hundred missionaries in Guatemala. When I said my prayers at 6am, I was praying with all the other missionaries and that thought brought me comfort. It was something more real and tangible than the comfort the Holy Ghost or Christ could provide.

One good thing about abandonment is that it reveals how humans play games with humans in the name of God. When I threw myself into the work, or when Moses Vargas and others consoled me, people would reason that it was the Holy Ghost and God and Jesus who inspired me or those 'other people' to bring me comfort and support. Looking back on this, I realize they were simply imbuing social ethics with a smattering of divinity.

When a leader of the church takes credit for other people's choices and deeds in the name of God, they do so in an attempt to garner more power for the church, not necessarily for God. A relevant example of this is from Uchtdorf (2019) wherein he makes the argument that when people perform acts of kindness, they are doing so in the name of God, and more specifically the church. However, the logic does not work both ways. If the same person (e.g. a missionary or member of the church) provides service to others, the church will attempt to take the credit, but if that same person does something dishonorable in the eyes of the church (e.g. use their tithing funds to give to a soup kitchen rather than to the church), the church will deem this act as not in the name of God and may even discipline the member (e.g. excommunication). The key message from the church to the individual is this: "obey and we will take the credit and uphold you the best we can, but dissent or misalign, we disavow you and you are on your own."

This key principal, even if unspoken, is discerned more acutely after having served a mission for the church. There is significant management and stewardship of a young man or woman for the first 20 or so years of their life. There are checkpoints, interviews, and to-do items in order to keep the person on the right track. But after those first 20 or so years, you are left to your own devices to keep the program going. As long as you follow the program after serving a mission (getting married, holding callings, having kids and repeating the cycle), you will fall under the good graces of the church. But if you don't follow the program or even fit the mold of a 'good' member, you are abandoned since your usefulness to the church is no longer valuable.

For me, in 1997, I realized I was a tool for the church. My whole life had been a checklist with regular interviews to ensure I was checking off all the boxes. And then when I returned home from my mission to Guatemala, it all went silent; I was abandoned and truly left to my own devices. When you've been told how to think and how to live the first 21 years of your life and when it all goes silent, you feel lost and disoriented.

I stayed true to the program, for the most part. I dated, eventually married, and my wife and I began a family. We accepted church callings and did all the enduring to the end we could muster. Children were born, babies were blessed, family home evenings were held, church attendance was regular like a metronome. During the week, my wife raised and cared for our children, while I commuted to work in the morning, worked all day, and commuted in the evening. Dinner, playtime, reading books, watching movies, playing games, cleaning up, bed time and then repeat. If only I had read Camus early in life, perhaps I would have been better prepared for what was coming.

In his Myth of Sisyphus, Camus observes, "we get into the habit of living before acquiring the habit of thinking" (1979). A bit later in the book he describes what I eventually would feel after 10 years of living the Mormon program. "Rising, streetcar, four hours in the office or the factory, meal, streetcar, four hours of work, meal, sleep, and Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday and Saturday according to the same rhythm - this path is easily followed most of the time. But one day the 'why' arises and everything begins in that weariness tinged with amazement" (1979). For me the 'why' was eternal life with my family and before that, I was yearning for confirmation or refinement or even sanctification. But there was no whiff of this to be found. The weariness became almost unbearable and the platitudes Mormonism offered did not outweigh the church's never-ending demands for more time, more money, more of my soul, more sacrifice on my part only for the benefit of the church. In a time when I needed support and energy or even relief, I only ever heard calls for more sacrifice. I felt abandoned. Confronted with metaphysical abandonment, I perceived that my choices were limited and I could not see any resolution other than death.

I began seeing a therapist in May 2014. She helped me see that I was enough - that existing and being there for my wife and kids and others was sufficient. And while she helped me correct some faulty value judgements I had been making, I recognized the space in which I could simply exist. I finally existed before landing on essence. Between 2014 and 2015, I deconstructed my beliefs and eventually I abandoned Mormonism, at least in my heart and mind. Never have I grown so much, emotionally, philosophically, mentally, than in those years of truly discovering myself and what my values were. I finally could choose my essence, rather than conform to what someone else decided for me.

By 2019, my wife and kids were also "out" of the church. The last time we attended services was December 2018. On a Monday in January 2019, the lay leader (bishop) came to our home, unannounced, and correctly claimed that we were less than honest about our temple recommend responses and he demanded we surrender recommends to him. This was tantamount to a slap in the face and an abject judgment of what our church thought of us after all the sacrifices in time and money we gave it. We were abandoned by our church. There were no questions about how we got to that point and there were no offers of succor to bring us back to the 'right' path. We had been fully abandoned and we could not be happier.

2020 brought a new kind of abandonment. The COVID-19 pandemic introduced isolation policies which effectively brought a type of abandonment many had never experienced before. The only people we could come in contact with were our families, and friends and neighbors at a safe distance. The days seemed long as we sat by our computers, working remotely, and watched the evening news reports of the thousands of deaths from people who succumbed to the virus as well as people who died because of isolation polices (e.g lack of medical care). Politicians and medical experts played on our fears. Panic spread as people tried to hoard supplies and many resources became scarce.

Working for an oil and gas company during the pandemic was surreal, especially when the price of oil inverted (Gaffen, 2022). Radical changes and ruthless prioritization became the norm. Many outsourcing and offshoring projects, which had only been planned for in the coming years, became a rough-shod reality. Expats living in the United States were quickly abandoned by the corporation and were hurriedly repatriated with little to no concern for safety protocols for them or their families. Normal ranking of employees, in which a very small percentage are put on improvement plans, were flipped to become tools for cutting workforce. People who had been planning to retire in an organized fashion were shamelessly forced to quit or retire early.

When things began to somewhat stabilize in late 2021 and into 2022, those who remained with the company had to begin picking up the pieces. After losing so many people, help was hard to find. Having endured multiple rounds of complaints from his staff, one manager reportedly told his group of 300 employees "no one is coming to rescue us; we have to save ourselves." I can think of no better existentialist motto than that. While some have the luxury of creating layers of security, friends, people, processes and tools around them like a cocoon, eventually all of that gets stripped away and the individual is abandoned and he realizes no one is going to live his life for him - no one is going to provide all the answers - he is on his own, so he might as well accept it and begin rescuing himself.

Toward the end of 2022, nearly two years ago from the time of this writing, my mother died and abandoned me. To be fair, I had mostly abandoned her in my mind, but not in my heart. I loved her dearly and often remember fondly my times, memories and experiences with her. Eventually I came to see her as not only my mother, but simply another human, with flaws, insecurities, her own narrative and philosophy for life. And while it was more emotional than I had expected, her passing to me brought a new-found fortitude and love for life. As I recalled her life through my perspective, I realized how much light she gave me. Whether she intended it or not, the fact remains that I have instilled in me an unending source of motivation to seek the sunny side of life because of how she raised me. A mere glance at the sun, and feeling the rays on my face, reminds me of her. I don't know if I would have had this blessing if she had not abandoned me when she died. She died November 10, 2022 and the sun still shines.

My father still lives at the time of this writing, but he inches toward his own death. After my mother passed away, my father seemed to have a tough time adjusting. On one hand, he seemed to have a new lease in life and claimed he would live to 140 years old and even verbalized aspirations of going back to college to pursues a masters degree in psychology after he heard a speech by a trained psychologist. His need for companionship endured after mother's death and every attractive woman he met, regardless of age, became the one he was going to marry. He dominated in cornhole tournaments and he loved to sing for all the other residents in the assisted living home. He spent his days visiting and trying to inspire the remaining members of The Greatest Generation. He has always sought a way to be useful and to help others. This undying zest for life has been an inspiration to me. While amusing, his fight to continue to live and exist even to the age of 140, teaches me to also fight for meaning and existence. This passion for life is even more extraordinary knowing that his father psychologically abandoned him through anger and lack of conveying love and care to my father. Alas, my father, too, will pass; life will abandon him and when that day comes, I'll be an orphan and know that my own death will someday arrive.

All experience abandonment, even the Christian god Jesus. As Camus (1956) writes in The Rebel, even the son of God experienced the most exquisite abandonment. Believing he was solving two of mankind's greatest problems, evil and death, after he hung on the cross in agony and in utter despair, Christ came to conclude that all are abandoned no matter the divinity, luxury or privilege. Hence he gut-wrenchingly yells out the lama sabactani (see Matthew 27) and is awestruck at his total and complete isolation. Camus sardonically notes Christ's "agony would have been mild if it had been alleviated by hopes of eternity" (1956). When I read this passage a few weeks ago, it struck my like a lightening bolt. I imagined Jesus experiencing an unexpected and panicked brush with reality. After having believed his own message for over 30 years, he came to realize that he too would suffer the same fate that billions before and after him experienced. He was not who he claimed to be. No one is immune from abandonment.

Since we are all abandoned, we must all stand on our own. No one is going to fully live your life for you. You must seek out your own meaning and purpose, especially when you come to find out that no one knows what this absurd existence really means. If you come from GenX, like me, you will probably never forget the message from Dead Poet's Society (Wier, 1989): carpe diem! Seize control of your life! Make your own meaning! Exist since no one else will nor can exist for you.

In conclusion, I leave this thought and quote which conveys the idea of: no one has found an instruction manual for life and you're on your own.

The problem for Kierkegaard is entwined with our fundamental abandonment in freedom. Man is a free project: which is to say that there is no ‘world-historical’ source of instruction and no pellucid God-ward imperative. In what concerns us most deeply we are thrown back on our own decision. The speculative reason says, Kierkegaard, cannot help us in the matter of existence, for to speculative reason, existence ‘is a matter of infinite indifference’. Furthermore, I am utterly alone in my plight (Gravil & Addis, 2007, p. 47).

References

Aho, K. (2023, January 6). Existentialism. Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy; Stanford University. https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/existentialism/

Aurelius, M. (2021). Meditations (R. Waterfield, Trans.). Basic Books.

Camus, A. (1956). The rebel : an essay on man in revolt (A. Bower, Trans.). Alfred A. Knopf.

Camus, A. (1979). The Myth of Sisyphus (J. O’Brien, Trans.). Penguin Books. (Original work published 1955)

Gaffen, D. (2022, February 24). Analysis: Oil’s journey from worthless in the pandemic to $100 a barrel. Reuters. https://www.reuters.com/business/energy/oils-journey-worthless-pandemic-100-barrel-2022-02-24/

Gravil, R., & Addis, M. (2007). Existentialism (1st ed.). Humanities-Ebooks, LLP.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (2023). You Are Never Alone. Churchofjesuschrist.org. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/image/mormonad-you-are-never-alone-4a54532?lang=eng

Seneca. (2024).  Ad Lucilium Epistulae Morales. Uchicago.edu. https://artflsrv03.uchicago.edu/philologic4/Latin/navigate/129/7/4/

Uchtdorf, D. F. (2019). “You Are My Hands.” Churchofjesuschrist.org. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2010/04/you-are-my-hands?lang=eng#p1

Weir, P. (Director). (1989). Dead poets society [Film]. Touchstone Pictures.

Letters from a Stoic 104 - On Care of Health and Peace of Mind

On Care of Health and Peace of Mind

Seneca travels to cure his ailing body.  This gives him an opportunity to reflect on people who travel yet remain discontent.

Regarding old age and the preservation of life, he writes,

the good man should not live as long as it pleases him, but as long as he ought. ... It gives proof of a great heart to return to life for the sake of others ... the greatest advantage of old age is the opportunity to be more negligent regarding self-preservation and to use life more adventurously.

Regarding travel,

Socrates is reported to have replied, when a certain person complained of having received no benefit from his travels: "It serves you right! You travelled in your own company!"

Living philosophically allows you to enjoy your travels.  If you are not content with yourself, it does not matter where you are.  Philosophy teaches you to have the good personality.

If you would escape your troubles, you need not another place but another personality.

If you would be content, enjoy what is in the present.  But do not cling.

Regard everything that pleases you as if it were a flourishing plant; make the most of it while it is in leaf, for different plants at different seasons must fall and die.

The act of travelling or going on vacation does not solve root cause issues.

Travelling cannot give us judgment, or shake off our errors; it merely holds our attention for a moment by a certain novelty, as children pause to wonder at something unfamiliar.

The time spent learning and applying philosophy will go a long way to relieve you of your discontent.

We ought rather to spend our time in study, and to cultivate those who are masters of wisdom, learning something which has been investigated, but not settled. ...  as long as you are ignorant of what you should avoid or seek, or of what is necessary or superfluous, or of what is right or wrong, you will not be travelling, but merely wandering. 

Wherever you go, your ailments will follow unless you apply remedies to them.

That from which you are running, is within you. Accordingly, reform your own self, get the burden off your own shoulders, and keep within safe limits the cravings which ought to be removed.  ...  If you would be stripped of your faults leave far behind you the patterns of the faults.

Nature would have us live according to Nature.  Therefore, she has blessed us with the necessary tools to pursue this goal.  It is a lofty goal; one with which many disagree - aligning your will with 'the soul of the universe' - but not the Stoics.

Nature has brought us forth brave of spirit, and, as she has implanted in certain animals a spirit of ferocity, in others craft, in others terror, so she has gifted us with an aspiring and lofty spirit, which prompts us to seek a life of the greatest honour, and not of the greatest security, that most resembles the soul of the universe.

Reflect on the causes of your fears and anxieties.  Reflect that it is your judgement that is the cause.  These things which you think you fear, are not really frightening.

Shapes dread to look upon, of toil or death are not in the least dreadful, if one is able to look upon them with unflinching gaze, and is able to pierce the shadows.

History has given us sages to look towards as examples of equanimity.  Whatever happened to them, they remained unperturbed.

Take the time to read Seneca's reflection on Socrates.  This is what we are to aim for by living philosophically.  I've italicized that parts which stand out to me, as I read this passage.

a long-suffering old man, who was sea-tossed amid every hardship and yet was unconquered both by poverty (which his troubles at home made more burdensome) and by toil, including the drudgery of military service. He was much tried at home, whether we think of his wife, a woman of rough manners and shrewish tongue, or of the children whose intractability showed them to be more like their mother than their father.  And if you consider the facts, he lived either in time of war, or under tyrants, or under a democracy, which is more cruel than wars and tyrants. The war lasted for twenty-seven years; then the state became the victim of the Thirty Tyrants, of whom many were his personal enemies. At the last came that climax of condemnation under the gravest of charges: they accused him of disturbing the state religion and corrupting the youth, for they declared that he had influenced the youth to defy the gods, to defy the council, and to defy the state in general. Next came the prison, and the cup of poison. But all these measures changed the soul of Socrates so little that they did not even change his features. What wonderful and rare distinction! He maintained this attitude up to the very end, and no man ever saw Socrates too much elated or too much depressed. Amid all the disturbance of Fortune, he was undisturbed.

Seneca then reflects on Cato.

His whole life was passed either in civil warfare, or under a political regime which was soon to breed civil war. ... No one ever saw Cato change, no matter how often the state changed: he kept himself the same in all circumstances – in the praetorship, in defeat, under accusation, in his province, on the platform, in the army, in death.

...

And this is the vote which he casts concerning them both: "If Caesar wins, I slay myself; if Pompey, I go into exile." What was there for a man to fear who, whether in defeat or in victory, had assigned to himself a doom which might have been assigned to him by his enemies in their utmost rage? So he died by his own decision.  You see that man can endure toil: Cato, on foot, led an army through African deserts. You see that thirst can be endured: he marched over sun-baked hills, dragging the remains of a beaten army and with no train of supplies, undergoing lack of water and wearing a heavy suit of armour; always the last to drink of the few springs which they chanced to find. You see that honour, and dishonour too, can be despised: for they report that on the very day when Cato was defeated at the elections, he played a game of ball. You see also that man can be free from fear of those above him in rank: for Cato attacked Caesar and Pompey simultaneously, at a time when none dared fall foul of the one without endeavouring to oblige the other. You see that death can be scorned as well as exile: Cato inflicted exile upon himself and finally death, and war all the while.

What are we to do?  Reject pleasures, and spurn wealth.  "If you set a high value on liberty, you must set a low value on everything else."

Letters from a Stoic 82 - On the Natural Fear of Death

On the Natural Fear of Death

The letter begins with a question.

"Whom then of the gods," you ask, "have you found as your voucher?"

The footnote of this letter provides a bit more context with regard to the term 'voucher'.  It states:

One who incurs liability by taking upon himself the debt of another. It is part of the process known as intercessio.

Having been raised Christian, I immediately recognized the concept of someone taking on the sins (debts) of another.  In Christian theology, the one to takes on the sins of others is Christ - some would call him god.

Seneca explains that the Stoic voucher - or god - is

A god ... who deceives no one, – a soul in love with that which is upright and good.

Men deceive, but god does not.  God has no need of deception, but men, who want to manipulate and control others, deceive.

Stoic philosophy would have us steer clear of luxury and decadence.  Seneca states as much.

Proceed as you have begun, and settle yourself in this way of living, not luxuriously, but calmly.  I prefer to be in trouble rather than in luxury; and you had better interpret the term "in trouble" as popular usage is wont to interpret it: living a "hard," "rough," "toilsome" life.

But ought we to pursue a life full of slavery, toil and dread?  Neither luxury nor drudgery are the wise course of action.  We are to prepare for toughening and when Fortune sends trials our way, we are prepared to act virtuously toward them.  But as for luxury and decadence - shun them.

If you do have free time, then study philosophy in order to more perfectly practice it.

gird yourself about with philosophy, an impregnable wall. Though it be assaulted by many engines, Fortune can find no passage into it. The soul stands on unassailable ground, if it has abandoned external things; it is independent in its own fortress; and every weapon that is hurled falls short of the mark.

He continues,

Let us then recoil from her as far as we are able. This will be possible for us only through knowledge of self and of the world of Nature.

Note above, the reference to the three disciplines: knowledge of self, as related to the discipline of assent; knowledge of the world, as related to the discipline of action; and knowledge of Nature, as related to the discipline of desire.

The ultimate preparation and toughening is the preparation for death.

strength of heart, however, will come from constant study, provided that you practise, not with the tongue but with the soul, and provided that you prepare yourself to meet death.

Learn philosophy, then practice it.  Practice it by contemplating death so as to not fear it at all.

Death falls under the category of indifferent.  And just like all other indifferents, we are to use them in order to exercise our excellence.  For we all die, but to die with excellence is 'up to us.'

I classify as "indifferent," – that is, neither good nor evil – sickness, pain, poverty, exile, death.  None of these things is intrinsically glorious; but nothing can be glorious apart from them.

Note Seneca's observation in the last sentence.  We are not to ignore and shun indifferents.  Rather, they are the medium though which we demonstrate excellence.  Indifferents hold no intrinsic value.  What is of value is our use of indifferents in order to demonstrate our excellence of character (or not).

He provides examples:

For it is not poverty that we praise, it is the man whom poverty cannot humble or bend. Nor is it exile that we praise, it is the man who withdraws into exile in the spirit in which he would have sent another into exile. It is not pain that we praise, it is the man whom pain has not coerced. One praises not death, but the man whose soul death takes away before it can confound it.

Both Cato and Brutus died.  But one exercised excellence and the other disgrace.

the death which in Cato's case is glorious, is in the case of Brutus forthwith base and disgraceful.

Seneca offers more examples of indifferents and correct (or incorrect) use of them.

thus it is with the things which we call indifferent and "middle," like riches, strength, beauty, titles, kingship, and their opposites, – death, exile, ill-health, pain, and all such evils, the fear of which upsets us to a greater or less extent; it is the wickedness or the virtue that bestows the name of good or evil.

Preparing for one's death cannot be actually practiced.  Therefore, we must use all other manner of thought experiments to prepare for death; this is the practice of memento mori - or constantly recalling that we are mortal and that we must always keep this fact in the forefront of our minds - in order to meet death with neither fear nor trepidation, so that we can rationally choose the manner and attitude in which we will die.

The soul must be hardened by long practice, so that it may learn to endure the sight and the approach of death.

We must do everything willingly, or else it will count for naught.  True virtue is choosing the wise course of action for the correct reasons.  When it comes to true philosophy, the sage is one who willingly complies with Fate and Fortune for the right reasons.  This is why noble lies are of no use.  We must face reality and Nature without a veil.  Preachers, teachers and leaders who intend to deceive in order to trick people into the right course of action, do many a disservice.

nothing glorious can result from unwillingness and cowardice; virtue does nothing under compulsion.  Besides, no deed that a man does is honourable unless he has devoted himself thereto and attended to it with all his heart. ... virtue accomplishes its plans only when the spirit is in harmony with itself.

Because so many fear death and wish to cline to life, convincing people to prepare for death is difficult.  This is hard mental work.  But if one puts in the time and effort to prepare for death and to shun it, our excellence will be equal to the heroes of Sparta - the 300.

I point out to you the Lacedaemonians in position at the very pass of Thermopylae! They have no hope of victory, no hope of returning. The place where they stand is to be their tomb. ... Leonidas: how bravely did he address his men! He said: "Fellow-soldiers, let us to our breakfast, knowing that we shall sup in Hades!" ...  It is not the Three Hundred, – it is all mankind that should be relieved of the fear of death.

Letters from a Stoic 77 - On Taking One's Own Life

On Taking One's Own Life

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This post deals with and discusses suicide.

If you are in a good spot mentally speaking, then feel free read this post with all the candidness that philosophy has to offer.

But if you have suicidal thoughts or are considering suicide, please ask for professional help.  Below are phone numbers for immediate help, if you are based in the United States of America.

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Trans Lifeline: 1-877-565-8860 (for the transgender community)

TrevorLifeline: 1-866-488-7386 (for LGBTQ youth)

Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255, Press 1

If you are not based in the USA, please search on the internet for sources of help in your country, before reading this post.

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To be a bit clearer, Seneca's 77th letter really deals with euthanasia rather than suicide in general.

The object of the letter is Tullius Marcellinus, but before he begins discussing him, Seneca observes the hustle and bustle of people in the excitement of the ship which has just docked.  

While everybody was bustling about and hurrying to the water-front, I felt great pleasure in my laziness, because, although I was soon to receive letters from my friends, I was in no hurry to know how my affairs were progressing abroad, or what news the letters were bringing; for some time now I have had no losses, nor gains either. Even if I were not an old man, I could not have helped feeling pleasure at this; but as it is, my pleasure was far greater. For, however small my possessions might be, I should still have left over more travelling-money than journey to travel, especially since this journey upon which we have set out is one which need not be followed to the end.

Seneca is pleased with himself because he has not been caught up in the excitement of the incoming ship and pivots this reflection into the fact that he thinks, metaphorically, he still has ample time left in his journey of life.  He makes the point very much clearer when he states that the length or end of the journey matters not so much as the manner in which you leave it.

An expedition will be incomplete if one stops half-way, or anywhere on this side of one's destination; but life is not incomplete if it is honourable. At whatever point you leave off living, provided you leave off nobly, your life is a whole.

In other words, a man of 20 years can live just as nobly as a man of 90 years.  The length does not matter so much.  What does matter is the fashion of leaving.  Therefore, a boy of 20 years old, who jumps on a grenade is much more honorable than the couch potato who dies of a heart attack at age 50.  Equally honorable is the man who labors for 40 years teaching ungrateful middle school students, in order to provide for his family, and dies on the day he retires, while it would be dishonorable of a man of 20 years who drinks to excess and dies in a drug overdose.

The object of the letter is one

Tullius Marcellinus ... [who] fell ill of a disease which was by no means hopeless; but it was protracted and troublesome, and it demanded much attention; hence he began to think about dying.

He called his friends together to give him advice.  One of his friends was a Stoic.

[the] Stoic friend, a rare man, and, ... a man of courage and vigour, admonished him best of all. ... [He said]: "Do not torment yourself, my dear Marcellinus, as if the question which you are weighing were a matter of importance. It is not an important matter to live; all your slaves live, and so do all animals; but it is important to die honourably, sensibly, bravely. Reflect how long you have been doing the same thing: food, sleep, lust, – this is one's daily round. The desire to die may be felt, not only by the sensible man or the brave or unhappy man, but even by the man who is merely surfeited."

Marcellinus' slaves were reluctant to help him in his death.  So the Stoic friend advised him

to distribute gifts to those who had attended him throughout his whole life, when that life was finished, just as, when a banquet is finished, the remaining portion is divided among the attendants who stand about the table. ... so he distributed little sums among his sorrowing slaves, and comforted them besides.

He fasted, then made a steam tent, as it were, and sat in a hot bath and had hot water poured over him until he passed out and then passed away.

Death becomes us all.  If you are someone who desperately wishes to cling so tightly to life, recall Seneca's words:

Would you not think him an utter fool who wept because he was not alive a thousand years ago? And is he not just as much of a fool who weeps because he will not be alive a thousand years from now? It is all the same; you will not be, and you were not. Neither of these periods of time belongs to you.

You are a blip in an unfathomable ocean of time and space.  Do not cling to something so insignificant.

Do not pray for something that is impossible, namely to escape death.

Give over thinking that your prayers can bend Divine decrees from their predestined end.  These decrees are unalterable and fixed; they are governed by a mighty and everlasting compulsion.

Returning to the concept of an honorable death, Seneca recounts the story of the Spartan boy who was taken captive.

The story of the Spartan lad has been preserved: taken captive while still a stripling, he kept crying in his Doric dialect, "I will not be a slave!" and he made good his word; for the very first time he was ordered to perform a menial and degrading service, – and the command was to fetch a chamber-pot, – he dashed out his brains against the wall.

Do not forget that we are all free from the bonds of life.  Do not fear death.

Unhappy fellow, you are a slave to men, you are a slave to your business, you are a slave to life. For life, if courage to die be lacking, is slavery.

And while you live, ponder deeply on what is up to you - on what your purpose is.  Do not let your purpose be so lowly as an animal.  Do not be a robot who works all day, to earn money, to spend it on things and food, to process said food, to deposit it in a hole, to be flushed and then to repeat the whole process again.  You are not a food processor.  You are a rational being.  Find meaning; live purposely; carpe diem.

It makes no difference whether a hundred or a thousand measures pass through your bladder; you are nothing but a wine-strainer.  You are a connoisseur in the flavour of the oyster and of the mullet; your luxury has not left you anything untasted for the years that are to come; and yet these are the things from which you are torn away unwillingly.

And if you are the type of person who is duty bound and must keep on living to fulfill your duties, recall that dying is a duty too and that to live excellently (your duty) also means choosing to die excellently (also your duty).

"I wish to live, for I am engaged in many honourable pursuits. I am loth to leave life's duties, which I am fulfilling with loyalty and zeal." Surely you are aware that dying is also one of life's duties?

His letter ends,

It is with life as it is with a play, – it matters not how long the action is spun out, but how good the acting is. It makes no difference at what point you stop. Stop whenever you choose; only see to it that the closing period is well turned.

Letters from a Stoic 63 - On Grief for Lost Friends

On Grief for Lost Friends

Lucilius' friend, Flaccus, died and Seneca is writes about grief.

Stoics are not without emotion.  The excess and deficiency are perhaps not ideal.  Therefore, when grief comes as a result of a loss of a friend or loved one, we should neither grieve with excess nor should we lack grief at all.

I would not have you sorrow more than is fitting. That you should not mourn at all I shall hardly dare to insist ... Let not the eyes be dry when we have lost a friend, nor let them overflow. We may weep, but we must not wail.

Some people may truly be deeply grieving, but if they do not cease at some point, then there may be deeper issues or perhaps it is for show.

It is because we seek the proofs of our bereavement in our tears, and do not give way to sorrow, but merely parade it. No man goes into mourning for his own sake. Shame on our ill-timed folly! There is an element of self-seeking even in our sorrow.

Later in the letter he write,

The reason why they lament too unrestrainedly at such times is that they are afraid lest men doubt whether they really have loved; all too late they seek for proofs of their emotions.

To grieve is human, to grieve excessively is folly.  It would seem excessive grief is no longer about the lost loved one but about the griever!

Therefore, we ought to grieve, let our grief be about the person who we lost, and let us move on contemplating the memory of the one lost.

Let us see to it that the recollection of those whom we have lost becomes a pleasant memory to us. No man reverts with pleasure to any subject which he will not be able to reflect upon without pain. So too it cannot but be that the names of those whom we have loved and lost come back to us with a sort of sting; but there is a pleasure even in this sting.

And if we contemplate the death of our friends, similarly to how we contemplate our own death, we will enjoy the company of our friends while they are yet with us.

To me, the thought of my dead friends is sweet and appealing. For I have had them as if I should one day lose them; I have lost them as if I have them still. ... Fortune has taken away, but Fortune has given.  Let us greedily enjoy our friends, because we do not know how long this privilege will be ours.

Seneca then goes on to remind us of the importance of friends and to not only have one, but many.

If we have no other friends, we have injured ourselves more than Fortune has injured us; since Fortune has robbed us of one friend, but we have robbed ourselves of every friend whom we have failed to make.

And when we lose a friend to death, we ought to seek a new one.

You have buried one whom you loved; look about for someone to love. It is better to replace your friend than to weep for him.

I don't know how precise Seneca is talking here.  Would he include spouses in this discussion?  I know some men and women, who after having lost their spouse to death, refuse to remarry because it would violate some trust or commitment to their spouse.  Even some children do not want their parent to remarry after having lost the other parent.  But I think Seneca makes a very valid point.  We humans need friends; we need social interaction and we need close friends.  If we lose one, we ought to find new ones.  Perhaps that does not mean getting remarried, but that does not mean slamming the door shut on the proposition of another marriage.

His next point is interesting.

the most shameful cure for sorrow, in the case of a sensible man, is to grow weary of sorrowing. I should prefer you to abandon grief, rather than have grief abandon you; and you should stop grieving as soon as possible, since, even if you wish to do so, it is impossible to keep it up for a long time.

It seems he is saying that we need to actively observe and be aware of our grief and approach our sorrows rationally.  Acknowledge that it is human to grieve; then grieve; then reconcile and move on.  But, don't let time cure your grief.  He proposes active resolution, rather than passive abandonment.  Perhaps to use a dental analogy.  We should deal with a toothache, rather than letting time do it's work.  If we deal with a toothache, then a dentist can help us resolve it and we can keep our tooth.  But if we simply let time pass, we eventually get over the toothache, but lose the tooth in the process.

In sum, practice contemplation of death - yours, your friend's and death in general.

Now is the time for you to reflect, not only that all things are mortal, but also that their mortality is subject to no fixed law. Whatever can happen at any time can happen today. 

Letters from a Stoic 58 - On Being

On Being

This is a longish letter from Seneca, but he eventually makes some excellent points.  He starts off by talking about how language and words have changed and evolved over time before getting into Plato's thoughts about ideas and forms and what exists or not.  It can be a bit opaque to read, if you don't have some background of what Plato is talking about.  I've done some reading on this and reading through the first half of Seneca's letter was a bit of a struggle.  If you need a brief summary of Plato's theory of forms, see this link.

Beginning around verse 25 of the letter, Seneca writes,

"Very well," say you, "what good shall I get from all this fine reasoning?" None, if you wish me to answer your question. Nevertheless, just as an engraver rests his eyes when they have long been under a strain and are weary, and calls them from their work, and "feasts" them, as the saying is; so we at times should slacken our minds and refresh them with some sort of entertainment. But let even your entertainment be work.

In sum, Seneca went through all this as a diversion to 'slacken [his] mind' for entertainment!  After this verse, is when the letter gets better, in my opinion.

He explains why he did the analysis of the essence of things.

I try to extract and render useful some element from every field of thought, no matter how far removed it may be from philosophy. Now what could be less likely to reform character than the subjects which we have been discussing? And how can I be made a better man by the "ideas" of Plato? What can I draw from them that will put a check on my appetites? Perhaps the very thought, that all these things which minister to our senses, which arouse and excite us, are by Plato denied a place among the things that really exist.  Such things are therefore imaginary, and though they for the moment present a certain external appearance, yet they are in no case permanent or substantial; none the less, we crave them as if they were always to exist, or as if we were always to possess them (emphasis added).

What Seneca gets out of that analysis is that the very things which we think are real and exist, in fact are imaginary.  Therefore, while a Stoic may not agree or adhere to the Platonic ideas of Forms, we nonetheless can see a similarity in how we view indifferents and things that cause us to desire and crave.  Seneca applies the discipline of assent in seeing things as they really are:

We are weak, watery beings standing in the midst of unrealities; therefore let us turn our minds to the things that are everlasting. Let us look up to the ideal outlines of all things

I understand this to mean that we Stoics recognize that there is a sole good and on it we should rest our desires - namely ageless and timeless ideas such as moral virtue.  Seneca doesn't quite come out and explicitly state this in the letter, but he tends to focus more on the "defects of the body" and our impulses and "pleasures" and how we should "acquire the ability to control and check those pleasures" which ail the rest of humankind.  He advocates that we should mimic Socrates who practiced "frugal living, by setting a limit upon all that rouses the appetites, and by painstaking attention to himself."

Next he gets into his opinions about old age and when one should consider enduring old age or ending his life.

The question, therefore, on which we have to record our judgment is, whether one should shrink from extreme old age and should hasten the end artificially, instead of waiting for it to come.

It all depends on the circumstances and Seneca wants to do the right thing for the right reasons.  He writes his thoughts on the matter of extreme old age and what he thinks is the wise course of action.

I shall not abandon old age, if old age preserves me intact for myself, and intact as regards the better part of myself; but if old age begins to shatter my mind, and to pull its various faculties to pieces, if it leaves me, not life, but only the breath of life, I shall rush out of a house that is crumbling and tottering.

Here he makes it clear - as long as I have my wits about me, I'll endure living.  But if I lose my wits, I'm outta here!

I shall not avoid illness by seeking death, as long as the illness is curable and does not impede my soul.  I shall not lay violent hands upon myself just because I am in pain; for death under such circumstances is defeat.

I won't let myself off easy by killing myself to avoid the pain from a curable ailment.

But if I find out that the pain must always be endured, I shall depart, not because of the pain but because it will be a hindrance to me as regards all my reasons for living. He who dies just because he is in pain is a weakling, a coward; but he who lives merely to brave out this pain, is a fool (emphasis added).

But if he is going to endure pain that will never leave, he finds justification for ending his life.  If the pain hinders him for his reason to live, then he will depart.  We won't be a fool to bravely live out in pain.  He looks to his reason to live and if the pain prevents that, then he will go.

In sum, he will endure extreme old age, as long as he has his cognitive abilities and the pain does not prevent him from accomplishing his own reason or reasons to live (i.e. perhaps living to talk with loved ones, or writing letters to friends or something else).

Letters from a Stoic 30 - On Conquering the Conqueror

On Conquering the Conqueror

Another letter on death.  This letter gets into the specifics of someone who is really old and therefore really near death.

I'm not going to commentate much on this letter, other than copy a few quotes from it and make a remark.

Seneca says,

Philosophy bestows this boon upon us; it makes us joyful in the very sight of death, strong and brave no matter in what state the body may be, cheerful and never failing though the body fail us.

This quote is a rift on Socrates who said that philosophy is nothing but preparation for death.

Seneca admires the subject of this letter (the man named Aufidius Bassus).  Bassus' courage is so great, he can observe and contemplate his own death as if it were simply the death of another. 

[He] contemplates his own end with the courage and countenance which you would regard as undue indifference in a man who so contemplated another's.

There is this gem, embedded in the letter, which serves as a good reminder of what is not good and evil.  We may think that the tumultuous ocean is bad and unsafe because we could drown in it.  But that is not necessarily the right perspective.

the sea has cast ashore unharmed those whom it had engulfed, by the same force through which it drew them down.

Seneca thinks that the nearer one is to death, the more courage they must muster.

I hold that one is braver at the very moment of death than when one is approaching death. ... an end that is near at hand, and is bound to come, calls for tenacious courage of soul; this is a rarer thing, and none but the wise man can manifest it.

Facing death - truly, deeply contemplating it - is something we must all face.  The longer we avoid facing death, the more slavish we can become.  For once you face death and not fear it, then you can truly begin to live.

He who does not wish to die cannot have wished to live. For life is granted to us with the reservation that we shall die; to this end our path leads. Therefore, how foolish it is to fear it, since men simply await that which is sure, but fear only that which is uncertain!  Death has its fixed rule, – equitable and unavoidable.

Seneca admires those who are comfortable with death and let it happen as fate happens.  Those who rush head-long into danger, hoping for death (loathing their life) seem to be less respectable.

those have more weight with me who approach death without any loathing for life, letting death in, so to speak, and not pulling it towards them.

Lastly, and precisely, "We do not fear death; we fear the thought of death. For death itself is always the same distance from us."

Letters from a Stoic 24 - On Despising Death

On Despising Death

In Letter 13, Seneca says "we suffer more often in imagination than in reality."  In Letter 24, he digs a bit deeper on this concept.  Pain and death are two anxieties we may heap on ourselves needlessly.  How can you minimize these imagined sufferings?

Seneca writes,

if you would put off all worry, assume that what you fear may happen will certainly happen in any event; whatever the trouble may be, measure it in your own mind, and estimate the amount of your fear. You will thus understand that what you fear is either insignificant or short-lived.

Confront the imagined sufferings!  Make them your friends and become acquainted with them.  The more time you spend in their company, the less you have to fear from them.

History is replete with humans who have endured pain, exile, imprisonment and death.  Therefore, if you cannot imagine yourself suffering well, then look the the examples provided by history: Rutilius, Metellus, Socrates, Mucius, Cato, Scipio (I hope I got the correct figures linked).

And if they aren't enough, Seneca advises to simply look at all those - in his time and even in the present day - who despise death, exile, imprisonment and pain.

I shall not refer you to history, or collect examples of those men who throughout the ages have despised death; for they are very many. Consider these times of ours, whose enervation and over-refinement call forth our complaints; they nevertheless will include men of every rank, of every lot in life, and of every age, who have cut short their misfortunes by death.

When you do the 'heavy lifting' of contemplating death, you will realize there is nothing to fear.

death is so little to be feared that through its good offices nothing is to be feared. Therefore, when your enemy threatens, listen unconcernedly. Although your conscience makes you confident, yet, since many things have weight which are outside your case, both hope for that which is utterly just, and prepare yourself against that which is utterly unjust. Remember, however, before all else, to strip things of all that disturbs and confuses, and to see what each is at bottom; you will then comprehend that they contain nothing fearful except the actual fear.

This is the life to which we were born.  Never were humans promised to not suffer or to not die.  This is our lot!  If someone promises you a life of leisure, safety and protection, know this: you are being lied to!  None of that is guaranteed.  I fear, in our modernization, we have come to expect far too more than what life actually offers.  We imagine we should not have to die of disease or accidents.  We imagine we can expunge the world of accidents and viruses.  In our pursuit of a scientifically perfect world, we have lost wisdom.  Seneca was wise to note:

You were born to these perils. Let us think of everything that can happen as something which will happen.

Be prepared for poverty, exile, imprisonment, sickness and death.  This is our lot in life.

I may become a poor man; I shall then be one among many. I may be exiled; I shall then regard myself as born in the place to which I shall be sent. They may put me in chains. What then? Am I free from bonds now? Behold this clogging burden of a body, to which nature has fettered me! "I shall die," you say; you mean to say "I shall cease to run the risk of sickness; I shall cease to run the risk of imprisonment; I shall cease to run the risk of death."

We are dying every day.  Every day we march closer to our final death.  While we live, we must learn wisdom and be wise.  And if you ever grow tired of life, this too is folly.  It is not virtuous to escape a life that has become stale.  If you've reached that point, then you have not learned wisdom.  The three quotes from Epicurus:

It is absurd to run towards death because you are tired of life, when it is your manner of life that has made you run towards death.

What is so absurd as to seek death, when it is through fear of death that you have robbed your life of peace?

Men are so thoughtless, nay, so mad, that some, through fear of death, force themselves to die.

Seneca comments on these three quotes.  In sum, live wisely, die purposefully.

Whichever of these ideas you ponder, you will strengthen your mind for the endurance alike of death and of life. For we need to be warned and strengthened in both directions, – not to love or to hate life overmuch; even when reason advises us to make an end of it, the impulse is not to be adopted without reflection or at headlong speed.  The brave and wise man should not beat a hasty retreat from life; he should make a becoming exit. And above all, he should avoid the weakness which has taken possession of so many, – the lust for death. For just as there is an unreflecting tendency of the mind towards other things, so, my dear Lucilius, there is an unreflecting tendency towards death; this often seizes upon the noblest and most spirited men, as well as upon the craven and the abject. The former despise life; the latter find it irksome.

Letters from a Stoic 12 - On Old Age

On Old Age

Old age does not have to be bitter or lonely.  If one so chooses, one can find contentment in youth, middle age and old age.

Now, Seneca was no sage!  He transparently shares how upset he is upon returning to his country home.  Not only does he complain about the cost of up-keep, but he complains about how stones are falling apart before he is!  He complains about how the trees he planted long ago, no longer have leaves.  And he complains about how old his play-mate is when he finds him standing in the doorway.

If we are to appreciate our life now, as well as in old age, we must practice memento mori.

Death, however, should be looked in the face by young and old alike.

We ought not go so far as Pacuvius, where he practiced his own funeral burial every day!  But, with that idea in mind, we should reflect that every day could be our last.

Thinking on our death, we appreciate every day we rise.

And if God is pleased to add another day, we should welcome it with glad hearts. That man is happiest, and is secure in his own possession of himself, who can await the morrow without apprehension. When a man has said: "I have lived!", every morning he arises he receives a bonus.

His closing quote, which he shares in the letter, reminds us that life is opinion.  If we think we are constrained, then we are constrained.  And as such, we have the freedom to think we are not constrained, and if we do, we won't be constrained.

 "It is wrong to live under constraint; but no man is constrained to live under constraint." Of course not. On all sides lie many short and simple paths to freedom; and let us thank God that no man can be kept in life. We may spurn the very constraints that hold us.