Showing posts with label Listening skills. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Listening skills. Show all posts

Friday, April 12, 2019

Epictetus Discourses 2.24 - To one of those whom he regarded as unworthy


Who is Epictetus talking to that he regarded as "unworthy"?

He's talking to the person who said, "tell me something!"  This person really is not in a state of mind to learn and Epictetus proceeds to show this person why they are not ready to listen to Epictetus.

Skill is required to speak and to listen.  And when it comes to listening, "a good deal of practice in listening" is required "if one is to listen to philosophers" (v. 10, p. 137).

Epictetus wants his listeners and his students to show some initiative in listening - in wanting to learn.  To them he says, "Show me, then, what I can achieve by entering into a discussion with you.  Excite some desire in me" (v. 15, p. 138).  But if the person just sits around like a bump on a wall, saying "tell me something" then Epictetus wants nothing to do with them.  In fact, he only has one thing to say to people like this:

whoever is ignorant of who he is, and what he was born for, and in what kind of world he finds himself, and with what people he is sharing his life, and what things are good or bad and what are honourable or shameful, and is someone who is incapable of following an argument or proof, and doesn’t know what is true or false, and cannot distinguish between them: such a person will exercise neither his desires, nor his aversions, nor his motives, nor his designs, nor his assent, not his dissent, in accordance with nature, but being altogether deaf and blind, he’ll go around thinking that he is somebody when in reality he is nobody at all.  And do you suppose that there is anything new in this? Isn’t it the case that ever since the human race came into being, it is from this ignorance that all our errors and all our misfortunes have arisen? (v. 19-20, p. 138)

He concludes with, "When you want to know what a philosopher has to say, don't ask, 'Have you nothing to say to me?', but simply show that you're capable of listening to him" (v. 29, p. 139)

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Collaboration & Influence Series: Conducting Successful Influence Conversations

Summary of notes from the successful influence conversations module



There are three key skills for conducting successful influence conversations
  1. Inquiry: Asking how they understand it
  2. Acknowledgement: Demonstrating understanding of their story and having empathy for their feelings
  3. Advocacy: Explaining how you understand it
As you use these three skills, you begin to understand the other person's story; what their conclusions are; what interpretations they based their conclusion on and what data they based their interpretations on.

From there, you can find common ground, as well as differences, as you begin to explain the data you see, and what your interpretations of the data is and how you arrive at your conclusions.

This whole process can be viewed as two different ladders.  This tool is called the Ladder of Inference.



As you use the three skills to go down their ladder and up yours, keep these tips in mind for each skill:

Inquiry

  • Seek to elicit their story or point of view, their feelings, and the impact of your actions on them
  • Help them walk down their ladder and share specifics about key information, assumptions, and reasoning underlying their conclusions
  • Get curious: ask yourself "What am I missing?" "What might they know that I don't?"
  • Assume they have thought about these things that they have not addressed; ask how
Acknowledgement
  • Put their story at least as eloquently as they did
  • Test the accuracy of your understanding and whether the other person feels heard
  • Name their feelings as well as their logic
  • Communicate empathy - the sense that you can understand their feelings in the context of their story (how they make sense)
  • Remember that you can demonstrate understanding of their story without signaling agreement (or disagreement)
  • Acknowledgement ≠ agreement
Advocacy
  • Put your story / point of view forward as a theory to be tested
  • Walk them up your ladder and offer specifics on key information, assumptions, and reasoning underlying your conclusions
  • Include your story, your feelings, and the impact of their actions on you
  • End with a request for comment, especially about what is missing, unaddressed, unclear, or unpersuasive