Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts

Sunday, January 17, 2021

Letters from a Stoic 47 - On Master and Slave

On Master and Slave

History is strewn with examples of slavery, indentured servants and other forms of servitude.  While many automatically think America when they think of slavery, it's wise to remember this was not the only form practiced in humanity's history.  Slavery as practiced by the Muslims and Turks dwarfed American slavery in both numbers and duration. In fact the practice still survives today, where the highest prevalence of slavery is practiced in the middle east, which as the highest per capita in the world, sitting at 10 slaves out of every 1000 people.

The Romans during Seneca's time were not exempt from this moral failing.  It seems that Seneca at least recognized the need to be as kind as possible if one were to own slaves or have servants.  In this context, Seneca writes this letter to Lucilius.

So what are we to learn from this letter, if we live in a society where slavery is outlawed?  Can we glean something applicable to us?  There are a few things from the letter we can consider.

Treat everyone as humans, comrades, friends and fellow slaves (see first paragraph of letter).

Masters and those who lord over us, in some cases, are slaves to their own passions.

The master eats more than he can hold, and with monstrous greed loads his belly until it is stretched and at length ceases to do the work of a belly; so that he is at greater pains to discharge all the food than he was to stuff it down.

We all come from the same genetic root; we are all brothers and sisters.

Kindly remember that he whom you call your slave sprang from the same stock, is smiled upon by the same skies, and on equal terms with yourself breathes, lives, and dies.

If you ever find yourself looking down upon someone else, for example, a homeless person or someone who suffers from addiction, stop and consider that your lot may become like theirs' some day.  Therefore, treat everyone with kindness and service.  Treat others as you would want to be treated.

But this is the kernel of my advice: Treat your inferiors as you would be treated by your betters. And as often as you reflect how much power you have over a slave, remember that your master has just as much power over you.  "But I have no master," you say. You are still young; perhaps you will have one. 

Your character and attitude is in your control; but your fate largely is not.

Each man acquires his character for himself, but accident assigns his duties.

If there are those in your circle of influence who need education, strive to educate and mentor them.  We are all striving to help each other.  Too many today close themselves off from society; they build up walls and post security guards around their mansions and send their children to private schools.  If we are to elevate society as a whole, we must not segregate.  I fear we are rapidly segregating and losing the ability to learn from others as well as to help others.

if there is any slavish quality in them as the result of their low associations, it will be shaken off by intercourse with men of gentler breeding.

Be a mentor.

Good material often stands idle for want of an artist.

Don't judge a person by looks or title only.

doubly a fool who values a man from his clothes or from his rank.

Contemplate who your own master is.  We are all slaves in one form or fashion; and many times we possess the key to unlock the chains and free ourselves, but often we choose not to.

Show me a man who is not a slave; one is a slave to lust, another to greed, another to ambition, and all men are slaves to fear. I will name you an ex-consul who is slave to an old hag, a millionaire who is slave to a serving-maid; I will show you youths of the noblest birth in serfdom to pantomime players! No servitude is more disgraceful than that which is self-imposed.

Mark what angers you; there you will find your master.

That which annoys us does not necessarily injure us; but we are driven into wild rage by our luxurious lives, so that whatever does not answer our whims arouses our anger.

Sunday, September 1, 2019

Notes and What I Learned from "How to Think Like a Roman Emperor" PART 4

Get the book: How to Think Like a Roman Emperor by Donald Robertson

This is the final part of my notes on How to Think Like a Roman Emperor.  This part deals with many other psychological ailments that we put on ourselves, namely fear, anxiety, worry, anger and psychological fear and anxiety in anticipation of death.  Many of the things learned thus far can also be applied to dealing with the above.

Dealing with Fear, Anxiety and Worry
  • view "misfortunes" and "obstacles" as something good ... as opportunities.  early in my career, before I knew of Stoicism, I often heard managers speak of 'change' and 'bad events' as "opportunities" and I hated that they did this!  It felt like they were just being politically correct or bull-shitting us.  Years later, and after many "unfortunate" events, I now see the wisdom of viewing these events as opportunities.  These events are going to happen independent of my will and choice.  Regardless, what I do have control over, is my attitude and perception of these events.  And if I look for ways to turn these "setbacks" to my advantage, then I begin to see "obstacles as the way forward" - I used them to my advantage.
  • When Marcus Aurelius goes to war at nearly the age of 50, he did not fear it, rather "he embraced his new role completely and turned it into an opportunity to deepen his Stoic resolve." p. 191
  • Perhaps you suffer from "impostor syndrome" ... now think that the most powerful man in the world had to deal with something similar.  "When he arrived in Carnuntum to take command of the legions, he was both physically frail and an absolute novice - an "old woman" of a philosopher, sneered the future usurper, Avidius Cassius.  Everyone must have questioned Marcus's competence to lead such a massive campaign."  But he persisted and became a hardened veteran.  How did he deal with this?
The Stoic Reserve Clause
  • "it means undertaking any action while calmly accepting that the outcome isn't entirely under our control." p. 193
  • other phrases that people use to describe the reserve clause:
    • fate permitting
    • God willing
    • if nothing prevents me
  • you need to do your best, no matter what your job or duty is, while not becoming upset with the results; it's about having a learning mindset
  • it's also "the action of pursuing the common good that constitutes the virtue of justice" ... act with positive, intelligent intent p. 194
  • a consuming fire mindset; no matter what is thrown at it, the fire uses the material to grow ... "Whether he meets with success or failure, he makes good use of his experience" p. 196
Anticipating and Contemplating Adversity
  • one of the most important Stoic practices is contemplation of adversity or "bad" events, "Seneca calls this praemeditatio malorum" p. 198
  • meditate on your exile, illness, injury, death of a loved one ... this is "stress inoculation"
  • this can be done in your daily morning routine ... as you gain experience, you know things go bad; failure happens and so you can prepare for it in a number of ways
  • this practice helps you gain emotional resilience which is "the long-term ability to endure stressful situations without becoming overwhelmed by them" p. 199
  • the time to prepare is in times of peace and leisure
Become Familiar (used to) Adversity
  • "familiarity breeds not contempt but indifference.  We can expect anxiety to abate naturally with repeated exposure, under normal conditions ... the feared situation must be experienced for considerably longer than normal for anxiety to properly habituate." p. 201
  • set aside time (perhaps once a month or weekly) to contemplate catastrophic events; the key is to go deep - really think about how you would react, how you would feel - get into the moment and let it sink in deep
  • "maintaining the image for long enough [time] requires considerable patience and concentration" p. 202
  • Robertson aptly notes, "It's important to emphasize that any technique that involves imagining upsetting scenes should be approached with caution by individuals who suffer from mental health problems or those vulnerable to being emotionally overwhelmed, such as sufferers of panic attacks." p. 203
  • Epictetus also notes that it takes time and patience when going through this practice and that you should start small, then proceed to bigger things, up to and including your own death (see Encheiridion 26)
The Inner Citadel [of peace]
  • many people wish to escape the drudgery of daily life or the adversities and challenges we face by going on a vacation to a beautiful beach or mountain retreat, but this is not necessary; we can retreat to our inner citadels at any time
  • "true inner peace comes from the nature of our thoughts rather than pleasant natural surroundings" p. 206
  • the nature of our thoughts is in our control and we can choose to be content in any circumstance - things don't disturb us, rather it's our opinion of those things that disturbs us
  • to retreat to this peace, reflect on two things:
    1. Change is perpetual and eventually everything you see today will soon be gone and forgotten
    2. External things cannot touch the soul, rather the disturbance actually comes from within
  • in sum, Meditations 4.3.4 "The universe is change: life is judgement"
Worry Postponement
The Stoic Response to Anger
  • "It is impossible to make men exactly as one would wish them to be; we must use them such as they are." p. 218
  • "Being a Stoic clearly doesn't mean being a passive doormat.  However, the wise man will not get upset about things that lie beyond his direct control, such as other people's actions." p. 228
  • Marcus greatly admired the qualities of Emperor Antoninus
    • gentleness
    • mildness of temperament
    • patient tolerance
    • never rude, overbearing or violent to people
    • never lost his temper
    • every case was considered calmly, methodically and consistently
    • put up with those who found fault with him
    • found no fault with those who treated him unfairly
    • patience with those who opposed him
    • remained calm when people wanted to provoke him
  • If anger swells inside you, walk away; count to 10 or 100
  • Ten Responses to Anger
    1. Remember we are social beings; have a "fellowship" attitude; we can view others' opposition as opportunities to practice virtue / patience; at the very least, we can learn to tolerate others respectively
    2. Consider others as a whole; no one is perfect, this is not the "final version" of them - they are growing and learning too; try to see things from their perspective; assume positive intent on their part; forgive them
    3. No one does wrong willingly; tolerate or teach; people deserve love and respect
    4. No one is perfect (including you!); if others fail, you should use it as an opportunity for self-reflection - how many times have we been imperfect?
    5. You can never be certain of others' motives - give others the benefit of doubt; don't jump to negative conclusions
    6. Remember life is short; we all will die; nothing lasts forever
    7. People, things, events can't upset us, it is our opinions of those people, things and events that upset us!  Mind the gap!
    8. Anger is counter-productive; when you are angry, you are delaying the time it takes to solve the problem at hand; it's more efficient to react to people, things, events with rational calmness and empathetic kindness ... "it often requires more effort to deal with the consequences of losing our temper that it does just to tolerate the very acts with which we're angry." p. 241  "leave the wrong with the wrongdoer"
    9. Nature gave us virtue; I like to view life as a card game and I evaluate my move based on the context ... and I always have a stack of cards (virtues) to play in response to what has been played.  I can always play the "patience" card or the "teach them with kindness" card; I just need the discipline to play good cards every time!
    10. It's ridiculous to expect perfection from others!  Therefore, don't be or act surprised when people do unexpected things
Death Becomes us All
  • "The Stoics taught me to look death square in the eye, to tell myself with merciless honesty each day 'I am mortal,' all the while remaining in good cheer." p. 258
  • "Fear of death does us more harm than death itself because it turns us into cowards, whereas death merely returns us to Nature." p. 259
  • "What I spent my life learning I now see everywhere—as I turn my attention from one thing to another, all sides grant me the same vision. The universe is a single living being, with a single body and a single consciousness. Every individual mind a tiny particle of one great mind. Each living creature like a limb or organ of one great body, working together, whether they realize it or not, to bring about events in accord with one great impulse. Everything in the universe so intricately woven together, forming a single fabric and chain of events. Whereas I once saw each fragmentary part and with some effort imagined the whole, my sight is now transformed. Having let go of fear and desire forever, I can see only the whole to which every part belongs, and this appears more real to me than anything else. What I knew before, my life and opinions, seem like smoke through which I glimpsed Nature darkly." p. 264
  • "The mind of the Sage is like a star or our own sun, from which purity and simplicity shine forth." p. 265 (see this tweet too)
  • "Man was meant to be like this: striving his whole life with patient endurance to cultivate the pure light of wisdom within himself and allowing it to shine forth for the benefit of others." p. 266
  • "Rising above indifferent things, the mind of the wise becomes a well-rounded sphere, as Empedocles used to say.  It neither overreaches itself, mingling with external things, nor shrinks away from them.  Its light spreads evenly over the world around it.  Complete in itself, smooth and round, bring and shining.  Nothing clings to its surface and no harm can touch it." p. 267 (see this tweet too)
  • Get the book and read the whole last chapter!

Monday, July 15, 2019

Epictetus Discourses 4.5 - Against those who are quarrelsome and brutal


"A virtuous and good person neither quarrels with anyone, nor, so far as he can, does he allow anyone else to quarrel." (v. 1, p. 245)

Epictetus points to Socrates as the exemplar as he settled many quarrels and how patient he was in dealing with other people, including his wife and son. (see v. 3, p. 245)  He was able to do this because "he kept the thought firmly fixed in his mind that no one can exert control over another person's ruling centre." (v. 4, p. 245)  He knew he could never change other people, but rather he focused on "attending to his own business alone in such a way that others too" would see his example and want to also act according to nature (v. 5, p. 245)  And for a person "in this state of mind" there is no "room left for contention." (v. 8, p. 245)

You can keep the peace and minimize quarreling by putting things in the proper context.

EVENT: "That man abused you"

RESPONSE: "I'm most grateful that he didn't hit me"

EVENT: "But he has gone on to hit you"

RESPONSE: "I'm most grateful that he didn't kill me"

This line of thinking is not unlike the teaching of Jesus when he instructed his disciples to "turn the other cheek" (see Matthew 5:38-40).

Some may think this reasoning is a bit extreme by today's standards.  Indeed, if someone hits you, there are avenues to pursue to seek justice and these avenues allow people to pursue justice dispassionately and Stoicly.

What ought to matter to the individual human?  Certainly not possessions and fame and distinguished appointments and careers.  Bur rather, it ought to be how the individual manages her impressions and "imprints" that are borne in her mind. (v. 15, p. 246)  And what imprints do her judgments carry?  "Gentleness, sociability, patience, love of her neighbor" and not "quick to anger" or "prone to rage" nor being "discontented with her lot." (v. 17-18, p. 246-247)

There is no need to worry about what other people think of you.  For their part, they are focused on wealth, health, prestige and fame.  But your craft is to focus on being a good human being - someone who is concerned about exercising the appropriate virtue (wisdom, justice, courage, self-discipline) in any given circumstance.  Beyond that, nothing else should matter to you.  So, "why worry about them?  Any more than a craftsman worries about people who have no knowledge of his craft." (v. 22, p. 247)  In this way, you can settle quarrels and not start them.

And when people try to read your mind or try to "trigger" a reaction in you, then you should "come forward to proclaim that you're especially amused by [them] who imagine that they're able to harm you." (v. 24, p. 247)  Similarly, "inhabitants of a well-fortified city laugh at those who are besieging them: 'Why are those men going to all that trouble to no purpose?  Our walls are secure; we have provisions that will last for a very long time, as will all the rest of our supplies.'  That is what renders a city secure and impregnable, and in the case of a human mind, it is nothing other than it's judgements." (v. 25, p. 247)

In a word, focus on strengthening your mind - on becoming mentally tough - and don't let possessions, wealth, health and fame drive your life.  These are the "puppet strings" you must cut.

"It is a person's judgement alone about each thing that harms him, and upsets him, and this is what gives rise to dissension, and civil strife, and war." (v. 28, p. 248)

This is your task: "to adopt an attitude" that "no tyrant can hinder [you] ... nor can any master, nor can the crowd hinder [you], nor can the stronger hinder the weaker, because this has been granted to us by God free from all hindrance.  These are the judgements that bring love into a household, and concord into a state, and peace among nations; and cause a person to be grateful to God, and confident at all times." (v. 34-35, p. p. 248-249)

Monday, March 20, 2017

Commentary on Meditations: B1.9

9. From Sextus: a kindly disposition, and the pattern of a household governed by the paterfamilias; the concept of life lived according to nature; an unaffected dignity; intuitive concern for his friends; tolerance both of ordinary people and of the emptily opinionated; an agreeable manner with all, so that the pleasure of his conversation was greater than any flattery, and his very presence brought him the highest respect from all the company; certainty of grasp and method in the discovery and organization of the essential principles of life; never to give the impression of anger or any other passion, but to combine complete freedom from passion with the greatest human affection; to praise without fanfare, and to wear great learning lightly.

A kind disposition might mean that a person's inherent qualities of mind and character focus and place emphasis on virtue and excellence of character (arete).
It would seem Sextus had a well-organized family life and was a great leader in his own home. I imagine a home that is neat, tidy and peaceful and managed in a way to allow the family to grow and learn well together.

Regarding the aspect of life lived according to nature, this will be a recurring theme in the Meditations. Indeed, all animals take care of the physical necessities, but rational animals focus on much more.  Humans write and think philosophically, and we ponder our existence.  This is our nature. We live in a higher state and as such, we should spend our efforts on living the best life according to our unique nature.

When Marcus speaks of Sextus’s unaffected dignity, I would define this as the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect. To live with unaffected dignity perhaps means not being pretentious, or attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, than what one actually possesses.
Having an intuitive concern for friends might mean caring for others or having a concern for justice and not treating friends unkindly.

To tolerate both ordinary people as well as people who have empty opinions means not be so affected or annoyed by what others are doing.  Perhaps ordinary people might talk a lot about what is playing on TV or the latest viral video or just common things in life. Someone who is emptily opinioned might be someone who is dogmatic or holds an opinion without much evidence to back it up. Regardless, the key concept which Marcus admires is to not let others control your attitude.  Having the strength to tolerate ordinary people and those with empty opinions gives you improved discipline in assent.

Related to this discipline is also having an agreeable manner with all. You can be mindful of how you comport yourself and find a way to comfortably converse with most people. In brief, learn to possess civility.

Next, Marcus admires Sextus’s certainty of grasp, along with a solid method for discovering and organizing the key principles for life. This quality speaks of being cognizant of how life works, of having curiosity to learn and comprehend.  Much in today's world is given to us easily and quickly, simply because technology and access to data is always in our hands. However, we must work to truly discover something on our own.  Therefore, be curious!  Stay with an idea long enough to understand and grasp it.

Sextus never gave the impression of being angry or passionate. Rather, it seemed he lived steadily and demonstrated the ability to live with equanimity. A simple viewing of the nightly news will show how often people are swayed by anger and passions and then do something rash. Find ways to be temperate in your emotions, or better yet, to possess freedom from passion and still have human affection for others.

Lastly, Sextus could praise others without fanfare. Perhaps he learned that some people were over the top when it came to praise. Maybe because of too much fanfare in the praise, it was received as inauthentic. Similarly, to wear great learning lightly would mean to not brag.