Commentary on Meditations: B1.9

9. From Sextus: a kindly disposition, and the pattern of a household governed by the paterfamilias; the concept of life lived according to nature; an unaffected dignity; intuitive concern for his friends; tolerance both of ordinary people and of the emptily opinionated; an agreeable manner with all, so that the pleasure of his conversation was greater than any flattery, and his very presence brought him the highest respect from all the company; certainty of grasp and method in the discovery and organization of the essential principles of life; never to give the impression of anger or any other passion, but to combine complete freedom from passion with the greatest human affection; to praise without fanfare, and to wear great learning lightly.

A kind disposition might mean that a person's inherent qualities of mind and character focus and place emphasis on virtue and excellence of character (arete).

It would seem Sextus had a well-organized family life and was a great leader in his own home. I imagine a home that is neat, tidy and peaceful and managed in a way to allow the family to grow and learn well together.

Regarding the aspect of life lived according to nature, this will be a recurring theme in the Meditations. Indeed, all animals take care of the physical necessities, but rational animals focus on much more.  Humans write and think philosophically, and we ponder our existence.  This is our nature. We live in a higher state and as such, we should spend our efforts on living the best life according to our unique nature.

When Marcus speaks of Sextus’s unaffected dignity, I would define this as the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect. To live with unaffected dignity perhaps means not being pretentious, or attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, than what one actually possesses.

Having an intuitive concern for friends might mean caring for others or having a concern for justice and not treating friends unkindly.

To tolerate both ordinary people as well as people who have empty opinions means not be so affected or annoyed by what others are doing.  Perhaps ordinary people might talk a lot about what is playing on TV or the latest viral video or just common things in life. Someone who is emptily opinioned might be someone who is dogmatic or holds an opinion without much evidence to back it up. Regardless, the key concept which Marcus admires is to not let others control your attitude.  Having the strength to tolerate ordinary people and those with empty opinions gives you improved discipline in assent.

Related to this discipline is also having an agreeable manner with all. You can be mindful of how you comport yourself and find a way to comfortably converse with most people. In brief, learn to possess civility.

Next, Marcus admires Sextus’s certainty of grasp, along with a solid method for discovering and organizing the key principles for life. This quality speaks of being cognizant of how life works, of having curiosity to learn and comprehend.  Much in today's world is given to us easily and quickly, simply because technology and access to data is always in our hands. However, we must work to truly discover something on our own.  Therefore, be curious!  Stay with an idea long enough to understand and grasp it.

Sextus never gave the impression of being angry or passionate. Rather, it seemed he lived steadily and demonstrated the ability to live with equanimity. A simple viewing of the nightly news will show how often people are swayed by anger and passions and then do something rash. Find ways to be temperate in your emotions, or better yet, to possess freedom from passion and still have human affection for others.

Lastly, Sextus could praise others without fanfare. Perhaps he learned that some people were over the top when it came to praise. Maybe because of too much fanfare in the praise, it was received as inauthentic. Similarly, to wear great learning lightly would mean to not brag.

Commentary on Meditations: B1.8

8. From Apollonius: moral freedom, the certainty to ignore the dice of fortune, and have no other perspective, even for a moment, than that of reason alone; to be always the same man, unchanged in sudden pain, in the loss of a child, in lingering sickness; to see clearly in his living example that a man can combine intensity and relaxation; not to be impatient in explanation; the observance of a man who clearly regarded as the least of his gifts his experience and skill in communicating his philosophical insights; the lesson of how to take apparent favours from one's friends, neither compromised by them nor insensitive in their rejection.

When you achieve moral freedom through your reason alone, you will have found a marvelous gift. You do not have to let your fears and worries dwell on chance.  You can use your god-given faculty, volition and reason to free your mind.

Related to moral freedom is equanimity. I yearn to be the same in temperament all the time.  People of passion, who are swayed by the slightest moral breeze are fascinating to observe but can be tiresome and unpredictable.  How unreliable these people can be. They are like dealing with a car that constantly breaks.

Marcus observed in Apollonius the ability to have both intensity and relaxation. He was both focused and intense, yet at ease in virtually any situation. When I read this description, I think of the Spock, from Star Trek. He always seemed to be focused yet relaxed in his demeanor.

Have you ever had to deal with someone who took several minutes to explain something? We are often distracted when something is not summarized or boiled down into a few words. We seem to have lost patience in modern times, and we cannot focus anymore. The ability to focus seems to be a quality that is beginning to be lost.  Can you sit and stay focused for hours at a time?  What about a single hour?  If not, then work on becoming better!

Another way to learn and apply philosophy in your life is to communicate and to teach it well. If you can take a difficult concept and teach it to someone, then you demonstrate the ability to truly learn.

When you receive favors, learn to neither be overly swayed nor to be a jerk in receiving them. Accept them with simplicity and grace.

Commentary on Meditations: B1.7

7. From Rusticus: to grasp the idea of wanting correction and treatment for my character; not to be diverted into a taste for rhetoric, so not writing up my own speculations, delivering my own little moral sermons, or presenting a glorified picture of the ascetic or the philanthropist; to keep clear of speechifying, versifying, and pretentious language; not to walk around at home in ceremonial dress, or do anything else like that; to write letters in an unaffected style, like his own letter written to my mother from Sinuessa; to be readily recalled to conciliation with those who have taken or given offence, just as soon as they themselves are willing to turn back; to read carefully, not satisfied with my own superficial thoughts or quick to accept the facile views of others; to have encountered the Discourses of Epictetus, to which he introduced me with his own copy.

To want correction and treatment for my character means that Marcus learned to appreciate feedback as a gift.  The sooner we accept this concept; the sooner we achieve improvement and progression. Some may not like getting feedback simply because of the way it was delivered. But if regardless of how it is delivered, a person can always learn to appreciate advice in order to improve.

To not to be diverted by a taste for rhetoric might be modernized into a plain-speaking translation of (quote) don't be a pompous ass (close quote).  The urban dictionary does a fine job defining what a pompous ass is: a person who seems full of themselves and who grabs every opportunity to let others know of their feelings of superiority. More importantly, the aim of philosophy is to live it, not write about it. Indeed, writing can help ingrain ideas in your mind, but this is a means to an end.  The end is to live a good life.

When you do write letters, do so in an unaffected style. You should write and speak plainly, succinctly and to the point.

Next, Marcus learns to be readily recalled to conciliation. This is similar to the teaching of Jesus found in Matthew 5:25, where he teaches settle matters quickly and fix relationships before, they become too damaged. We should maintain good and healthy relationships with all people.  If something is broken, we should fix it quickly.

When it comes to reading, we should read carefully. We should avoid jumping to conclusions and use sound reason and logic.  My senior high school English teacher, Mr. Puckett, loved to say, "don't assume, because it will make an ass out of you and me.”

Marcus read and studied Epictetus and so should you!

Commentary on Meditations: B1.6

6. From Diognetus: to avoid empty enthusiasms; to disbelieve all that is talked by miracle-mongers and quacks about incantations, exorcism of demons, and the like; not to hold quail-fights or be excited by such sports; to tolerate plain speaking; to have an affinity for philosophy, and to attend the lectures first of Baccheius, then of Tandasis and Marcianus; to write essays from a young age; to love the camp-bed, the hide blanket, and all else involved in the Greek training.

When he writes of the idea of empty enthusiasm, I take this to mean "all talk, no walk.” If you are genuinely going to do something, then do it.  Do not talk about it.  Don't talk of being enthusiastic about something. Rather, you should simply demonstrate it! (see this tweet)

A healthy amount of skepticism is needed in everyone’s life. There are many who want to convince you of their power. They will try to convince you of "miracles" and "exorcisms" and "incantations."  Don’t be hasty in falling for all that you see with your eyes. Our perception and insight are not as great as you think. And there are plenty of con artists who want to gain your trust, so you loosen your wallet or even worse, your rationality.

When he talks of quail-fights, I suppose this could be similar to cockfighting.  This is all wasted time and money.  It does nothing to improve the person.  As for entertainment value, it's all sugar and no nutrition.

Some people will say that plain speaking is no virtue. Indeed, there are always different ways to speak tactfully, but you can still tolerate plain speaking. In modern times, I supposed this means to let people speak bluntly or even un-politically correctly.  Of course, we should speak with respect and intelligence, but we should also allow others to speak plainly.

Next, Marcus considers philosophy and essays. Philosophy is none other than finding a good way to live this life; and I can think of no better philosophy than what the stoics endorse.  Reading and writing about philosophy helps us to think about what it all means and how to live it. Reading and writing also reinforce what we’ve learned.

Lastly, he learns from Diognetus to love the camp-bed and Greek training. What this means to us, today, is to learn to be uncomfortable.  We should learn to tolerate camping, hot and cold weather, sleeping on the ground, and anything that helps us become more resilient.

Commentary on Meditations: B1.5

5. From my tutor: not to become a Green or Blue supporter at the races, or side with the Lights or Heavies in the amphitheatre; to tolerate pain and feel few needs; to work with my own hands and mind my own business; to be deaf to malicious gossip.

I love watching sports, but when I was younger, I would get caught up in the game and become too obsessed. I recall a number of times watching my team lose, and I became quite upset.  Perhaps, this is what Marcus’s tutor was hinting at when he advised the young Marcus to not become a fan or choose a side in these events. Or maybe his tutor saw all of it as a waste of time.

Next in the passage, Marcus was impressed with how his tutor was able to tolerate pain.  How many times have you seen someone who cries out in pain, and, in a sense, it is a bit annoying.  There is a part of us that wants to be courageous when it comes to pain.  Think of the times you've experienced pain.  Sometimes you just have to endure it.  I’ve learned to try to "step outside of my pain" and to look at your pain from an outside perspective.  It helps me endure it better.

The phrase (quote) to feel few needs (quote) reminds me of another stoic thought from Crates of Thebes.  He noted that there is a scale of "needs" in various people and then all the way to the gods. Some people, like children, have quite a lot of needs, but the gods need little.  The entire quote from Crates goes like this (you can read this entire thought here):

practice being in need of only a few things, for this is the closest thing to god. for the gods need nothing.  but, so that you may learn more exactly what is involved in having few needs ... reflect that children have more needs than adults, women than men, invalids than the healthy, and, in general, the inferior everywhere has more needs than the superior. therefore the gods have need of nothing and those nearest to them have the fewest needs.

Next, Marcus learned from his tutor to work with his hands. This part of the passage means a few practical things to me, such as to clean up after yourself, to do yard work, and appreciate and embrace physical labor.  At the very least, this will help you appreciate a career.

His tutor also teaches him to mind his own business. This could mean one of two things.  It could mean to "manage your own business or try to do as much for yourself as you can" or it could mean the traditional sense of not being nosy.  In either case, it is sound advice.

Lastly, Marcus admires the admonition of being deaf to malicious gossip. We do not have control over what others think or say.  So-and-so has said this about you. That is all. Leave it at that.  Hold no ill will and simply seek the higher ground.

Commentary on Meditations: B1.1-4

Book 1 is Marcus's gratitude book and how he has observed the lives of others and their qualities.

These are qualities he tries to emulate.

1. From my grandfather Verus: decency and a mild temper.

2. From what they say and I remember of my natural father: integrity and manliness.

3. From my mother: piety, generosity, the avoidance of wrong-doing and even the thought of it; also simplicity of living, well clear of the habits of the rich.

4. From my great-grandfather: not to have attended schools for the public; to have had good teachers at home, and to realize that this is the sort of thing on which one should spend lavishly.

Definitions are in order ...

Decency - behavior that conforms to accepted standards of morality or respectability; modesty and propriety

Mild Temper - calm, forgiving, gentle, quiet, tolerant

Integrity - the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness; the state of being whole and undivided

Manliness -  Of, relating to, or characteristic of men, especially when considered traditionally masculine, as in being courageous or direct

Piety - the quality of being religious or reverent

Generous - (of a person) showing a readiness to give more of something, as money or time, than is strictly necessary or expected; showing kindness to others

Wrong-doing - illegal or dishonest behavior

Simplicity of Living - minimalistic living; living with few needs or wants; avoidance of extravagance

right out of the gate, marcus aurelius gives us a lot to chew on and to ponder.

you could live your whole life following the first four "verses" of meditations and you will have lived a very good life.

all of these qualities fall under the umbrella of virtue.  in stoicism, virtue is the only good.  i would encourage you to spend some time on your own thinking about virtue (arete) which simply means "excellence of character."

the four major virtues are: wisdom, justice, courage, temperance.

you could even flip these virtues into questions to see where you stand in your development as a good human being.

• am i a decent person?
• do i have a mild temper or do i get angry and upset all the time?
• am i honest?  do i demonstrate integrity?  or do i "divide" myself (am i two-faced?)
• am i courageous and direct?  or do i sometimes waffle?
• do i love God?  am i reverent?
• am i generous with my time and money?  do i use my time, money and resources to help others?
• do i live simply?  or do i spend too much time on things that don't really matter (material possessions)?

if you're doing good in a few of those areas, congratulations!  keep it up!

if you fall short, then make some plans to focus on becoming better.  use your daily reflection or personal journal to think about how you can improve.

lastly, marcus appreciated his grandfather and how he felt it important to spend "lavishly" on education - at least that is how i understand this.  we can't all afford Harvard, but the principal remains: do all in your power to get as much education as you can.

Intro: Commentary on Meditations

The thought occurred to me earlier last week, while on one of my long early morning walks: read Meditations and commentate and share.

It is largely born out of a desire to teach and share stoic thoughts with my own family - my wife and four children.  Perhaps, this blog could "be there" for them at some future date when I am not readily available to chat with them.

It would also help me in my work to dissect and make Stoicism applicable to my own life - as I look for "affirmations" every day.

It would be open for feedback and discussion - should anyone wish to comment.

I don't see any downsides to my investing this time.

I will simply dive into this project and adjust as needed.  At first, I think I will largely try to fit each of Aurelius' passages into one of the disciplines of stoicism (assent, desire, action) or into one of the main categories of virtue (justice, wisdom, temperance, courage).

Should I have an experience to tell related to the matter, I'll do so.

Let's begin!

february in review

starting weight: 191.2
ending weight: 189.8 (as of sunday feb 25)

big events
ben's bball season wrapped up; the HS big win over rival w/ last second shot.  beach trip w/ jeff, fno reviews all done, starting up listening to podcasts (mt, ms), time w/ family, record heat, copperhead bite

february was a month of gains and slight improvements and getting back to the schedule of things.

it ended with a bang when i was bitten by a copperhead snake.  i think this 'obstacle' will prove to be a boon in dealing with some medical issues i've been dealing w/ the last 10 years.  march will see to that.

february had the potential to be very busy with lots of deadlines and issues.  but i dealt with them with calm and focus.

the snake bite proved to me that stoicism is helping.  i cannot think that myself of a few years ago could have been dealt that 'obstacle'

bitter cucumbers and copperhead snakes

it happened.

what i thought was a prick to my palm due to a thorn on a weed, was in fact the fang of a copperhead snake.  after the prick, i looked down and saw two things: a thorn among the dead leaves and a copperhead snake slithering off.

copperheads are not easy to spot

my 12 year old son was helping me clean up the leaves.  we both went inside the house.  i washed off the bite and then had my 15 year old son accompany me to the emergency room.  i have been trained in first aid and after all my training, the one thing i remembered was to stay calm.  during those training sessions, i used to think to myself, 'how can a person stay calm in these situations?'  i could not comprehend how one can control their calm factor.  after the snake bit me, the only thought i had was, 'you must stay calm or the venom will spread more quickly.'  i breathed and tried to control my heart rate and stay focused on what i had to do.

the bite was at noon.  my son and i drove and arrived at the emergency room by 12:25pm.  they admitted me, introduced an intravenous (IV) to my left arm.  my wife later arrived and provided excellent support.  about one hour after the bite, the pain was excruciating.  i was given morphine.  two hours later, the anti-venom was ready and administered to me and three hours later, the swelling to my hand and arm ceased.

during the many hours of waiting, one verse rang through my head, over and over again.

a bitter cucumber?  throw it away.  brambles in the path?  go around them.  that is all you need, without going on to ask, "so why are these things in the world anyway?"  that question would be laughable to a student of nature, just as any carpenter or cobbler would laugh at you if you objected to the sight of shavings or off-cuts from their work on the shop floor. (meditations book 8.50)

it would do me no good to re-live that moment and be angry at that snake.  yes, i could have worn more protection, but what was done was done.  and if i wanted to move on from this, i needed to focus on the present and keep a positive attitude.  and that quote above helped me to focus on the true nature of the situation and keep myself focused on the medical attention i needed.

after a two-night stay in the intensive care unit, the swelling went down and i was released from the hospital.  the swelling won't recede fully for perhaps several more days or even weeks.  but i have the use of my hands and can type and mouse - which means i can do my work.  for that, i am grateful.

furthermore, i am grateful for Stoicism, which, in my estimation, helped me remain calm and focused through the whole ordeal.

january in review

the stoic journal

after thanksgiving, i started a stoic journal.  i would write a few things to be more mindful.  over the next several weeks between thanksgiving and new years, i refined my approach to something i think works well for me.

in the morning, i start by spending a few minutes thinking about something for which i'm grateful and then jotting that down.  next, i spend time thinking ahead - about my day - what will i do, challenges i may face and how to approach them.  then i'll spend some time reading stoic quotes or articles or affirmations ... then i summarize what i've read and write my daily affirmation.  this daily affirmation focuses on the three disciplines of stoicism (assent, desire, action).  i focus on one discipline all week then rotate to the next discipline the following week, etc.

then at night, i review the day and jot a few thoughts about what went amazing that day as well as what i could have done better or differently.  recently, i've decided to also write about how i've helped someone that day.

i keep my daily journal on evernote.  at first, i wrote in a hard-bound journal book and then sync it with evernote, but now i just input everything directly into evernote via the iPhone app.

i am still making minor tweaks, but by and large, it's a habit and it's working well for me.

reviewing the past month is another part of the process.  at the end of the month, i'll read my entries and pull out any themes or learnings and synthesize them into a blog post.

january review

starting weight: 194.4

ending weight: 190.8

big events: camille sick, football games, skinned knee, broken iPhone, started helping erick with his own stoic journal to help with his anxiety, uit f&o, urc f&o, turnover w/ phil, target distribution, in-laws visit for 3 weeks, family reunion surprise, housley book, phone conversation w/ oliver

at the beginning of the month, i was a little stressed with my weight gain from the holidays and the f&o process and some other seemingly pressing issues at work.  camille was sick - jill had to take her to the er; erick got really anxious about going back to school and also when his grandparents left.

looking back - camille got better; the weight returned to normal; f&o went off successfully (KKS & Ulka sent appreciative kudos to me) and the "story" is done as of today.  urc f&o went great, turnover w/ phil went great; erick has managed his anxiety.

highlights of the month were the morning walks (LL) and reading meditations and other books in the cold winter sunlight.

improvements; need to eat better (am in the process of getting better at this now).  need to not give in to negative assents so quickly - pause, evaluate, be mindful.

perilous journey the the house of the lord by mark housley and gordon allred

background & context
i served an lds mission to guatemala in the mid-90s; spending almost the entire time in the alta verapaz region; including 12 months in the polochic valley.

the polochic valley is comprised largely of kekchi natives.  the vast majority of them do not speak spanish and only know their native tongue.

the kekchi are poor farmers who work the land producing maize, coffee, cardamom, rice, beans and other crops.  interspersed among the poor are plantation owners who are guatemalans of spanish and german descent.  the kekchi are extremely humble and superstitious - child-like, in my opinion.

almost all mormon male missionaries know the rule of "lock your heart" during missionary service.  this stems from a discourse given by spencer kimball in the late 1960s.  it's understandable for a male missionary to 'fall in love', sometimes, during his mission and in some cases missionaries return to their mission, after their service has been completed and court a girl they met there.  and sometimes male and female missionaries will court after their service is finished.  all that is conceivable.  however, when it comes to missionaries marrying kekchis - the idea becomes twisted.

what i mean by that is - kekchis are very child-like.  they are aboriginal, uneducated, easily swayed, etc.  and for a white american lds missionary to marry a kekchi girl - it 'triggers' a negative response in most people who understand the context.  it's not unlike a 50 year-old man marrying a girl who is barely 18 years old or younger.

mark housley is that white american lds missionary who returned to polochic valley and persuaded a kekchi girl to marry him.  i was one of those missionaries who disliked the whole situation.  and there were other missionaries, closer to housley, who disliked the situation even more.

one of my fellow missionaries, who was my local missionary leader (zone leader), passed a sealed envelop to me and instructed me to pass it to the kekchi girl who housley was intending to propose to (this was december of 1995).  the letter was not written by him, rather it was written by a former companion to housley.  still being somewhat naive and not knowing the whole situation, instead of passing it along, i decided to open the envelop and read the letter.  the contents said, "this is a letter to say that if you do anything with angelina - or with any other kekchi - i will kill you!  this is not your culture - go home you loser!  there are people who will inform me if you did something with her - and i will kick your ass! you have no friends - no life - no brains!  repent you asshole!  never come back!"  i didn't pass it along as instructed.  i think i ended up burning the letter.  but this gives a sense of the kinds of opinion people had of housley.

mark housley and his parents visited guatemala in december of 1995 and fairly often between then and june of 1996.

by june of 1996, i was no longer living in la tinta (the town angelina kukul and her family were living in) and instead was serving in canlun - a small village on the other side of the river from teleman.  we knew mark and his family were coming to guatemala that day.  we knew they were going to get married in senahu (civilly) and then drive to guatemala city to be 'sealed' in the mormon temple.

the day was epic.  mark, along with gordon allred, later wrote a book (perilous journey to the house of the lord) about that day and the events leading up to it and the events after it.  the book also describes mark's mission years in guatemala.

book review
- the housley family flies to guatemala for the marriage
- they are detained at the airport (unusual)
- they drive from guatemala city to polochic
- along the way, bandidos fire at them with ARs
- kekchi farmers cut a ceiba tree down, blocking the road
- the road to polochic is blocked all day long
- the road to senahu washes out due to a biblical rain storm
- mark & angelina encounter many, many bureaucratic roadblocks
- mark's mom is detained by the guatemalan government several weeks after the marriage

that's a summary of the events surrounding the fateful day in june 1996.  as a missionary, the only events i observed were seeing the ceiba tree come crashing down on the one road in and out of polochic valley and then meeting the housley's in the long line of cars and hearing of their bandido attack and then later that night observing the most unbelievable rain storm i had ever seen in my life.

having only that bit of context, i later learned mark held firesides and then wrote a book about the whole experience.  i finally ordered the book and read it.

as a whole, it was a very enjoyable read.  it brought back so many memories of guatemala, the culture and the land.

my opinion of mark didn't really improve after reading the book.  quite frankly, i wonder if he isn't a little ... i don't know quite the word to use ... but the one word that comes to mind is 'autistic.'  and i don't know if that word quite fits the description.  honestly, i'm still trying to put my finger on it, but that is all that is coming to me now.  mark is quite brilliant (finished medical school, graduated with honors, etc), but also seems to lack some nuances of social interaction and appropriateness.  how else could he so easily have become fixated on a kekchi girl he saw in passing on the road?

my final reaction to the mark & angelina marriage, after reviewing my missionary experiences and reading the book is to say - the world is a very big place and anything can happen - including what happened to mark, his family and the kukuls.

it is also worth noting, about 10 years ago, i emailed the missionary who wrote that letter to mark, which i never gave to angelina.  if i recall correctly, i told him i didn't pass the letter along.  he was ok with that.  he had even 'forgiven' mark, in a sense.  i think he had visited mark and angelina in odgen.  also, i understand other missionaries have visited mark and angelina and say she wears jeans and speaks english.  i think her and mark have four boys - i would imagine the oldest is mission-age about now.

the other part of the book - the part he discusses his mission - i quite enjoyed.  i was very familiar with all the areas in which he served and visited, except his first area (galilea) and semarac and seritquiche - the last two areas i always wanted to badly visit, but never had the opportunity.  i was even familiar with chicoj and tanchi.  when i was serving in coban, my companion and i would visit the missionaries serving in the chicoj/tanchi area.  matter-of-factly, i sometimes wish i could have served there, but every one has told me it's not great there (cold, drizzly all the time and the people there are tough socially).

i enjoyed his telling of his first christmas in senahu and the obsession guatemalans have with fire and fireworks.  he did a great job describing the long, long hikes in the jungles - the heat - the mud - the rain - the cold; being stranded on those hikes and sleeping on beds of bamboo or cement.  i laughed at the lack of privacy people have in polochic - kids talking to you as you go to the bathroom!  all fond memories in my opinion.

i sometimes miss polochic valley.  i definitely miss coban - i love that place with all my heart.  and being able to re-live those memories of guatemala was indeed the best of this book.

choosing to be temperate

on my six mile walk this morning, i was reflecting on the amount of food i ate yesterday (thanksgiving holiday) and how i felt ill from all the food.

to be honest, i don't feel i ate all that much.  but i did get a headache after the big dinner.  i drank lots of water after eating, but still the headache persisted.

my next thought was: i get headaches when i don't eat and when i do eat; so why not simply choose not to eat (so much) and endure the headache anyway; why the need for the double-injury?

i won't die if i eat so little.  i can choose not to eat.  i can choose contentment when presented with food.  simply put, eating won't make me happy.  like charlie brown, lucy and the football - i know i'll be betrayed for eating.

spend time reading a book; walking; playing chess; playing with your children; listening to music.

there is so much to do with time rather than spending it in the kitchen "wallowing in pickles, sweets and sauces."

eating does not make you good.

restraint and moderation are virtues.

thoughts on temperance

Temperance
be discrete
avoid excess
be organized
be modest
be self-discipline

a man who has great self-discipline or restraint isn't someone who feels no inkling of desire but someone who overcomes his cravings, by abstaining from acting upon them.

a good human

what makes a good human?

in summary, i think a good human is someone who strives to become virtuous (wise, just, courageous, temperate).

the choice of hercules demonstrates the life of virtue is a life of happiness.

donald robertson excellently describes hercules' choice

Zeno was reputedly inspired to study philosophy after reading the second book of Xenophon’s Memorablia of Socrates. This actually begins with a chapter in which Socrates recounts a story known as “The Choice of Hercules” (or “Heracles” to the Greeks), attributed to the highly-regarded ancient sophist Prodicus (Memorabilia, 2.1). Antisthenes, the Cynics, and the Stoics apparently all agreed that Hercules, the greatest of Zeus’ sons, provided an ideal example of the self-discipline and endurance required to be a true philosopher. The story symbolises the great challenge of deciding whom we actually want to be in life, what type of life we want to live, the promise of philosophy, and the temptation of vice. Zeno himself was perhaps compared to Hercules by his followers and we know that his successor Cleanthes was dubbed “a second Hercules”, on account of his self-mastery.

The story goes that Hercules, when a young man, found himself at an isolated fork in the road, where he sat to contemplate his future. Uncertain which path to take in life he found himself confronted by two goddesses. One, a very beautiful and alluring woman, was called Kakia, although she claimed that her friends call her “Happiness” (Eudaimonia). She charged in front to ensure she spoke first, promising him that her path was “easiest and pleasantest”, and that it provided a short-cut to “Happiness”. She claimed he would avoid hardship and enjoy luxury beyond most men’s wildest dreams, produced by the labour of others. After hearing this, Hercules was approached by the second goddess, called Aretê, a plain-dressed and humble woman, though naturally beautiful. To his surprise, she told him that her path would require hard work from him and it would be “long and difficult”. In fact the path Hercules chose would be dangerous beyond belief, he would be tested by many hardships, perhaps more than any man who had lived before, and have to endure great loss and suffering along the way. “Nothing that is really good and admirable”, said Aretê, “is granted by the gods to men without some effort and application.” However, Hercules would have the opportunity to face each adversity with courage and self-discipline, and of showing wisdom and justice despite great danger. He would earn true Happiness by reflecting on his own praiseworthy and honourable deeds.

Hercules, of course, chose the path of Aretê or “Virtue” and was not seduced by Kakia or “Vice”. He faced continual persecution, from the goddess Hera and her minions, and was forced to undertake the legendary Twelve Labours, including slaying the Hydra and ultimately entering Hades, the Underworld itself, to capture Cerberus with his bare hands. He died in the most extreme agony, poisoned by clothing soaked in the Hydra’s blood. However, Zeus was so impressed by his greatness of soul that he elevated him to the status of a God in his own right. Of course, the Stoics took this all as a kind of metaphor for the good life: that it’s better to face hardships, rise above them, and thereby excel, than to embrace easy-living and idleness, and allow your soul to shrink and deteriorate as a result. It would therefore make sense if Socrates retelling of “The Choice of Hercules” was indeed the part of the Memorabilia that inspired Zeno’s conversion to the life of a philosopher. However, it may certainly have served this purpose for later generations of Stoics.

case studies in stoicism: the short friday that turned into the long friday

on thursday afternoon, while reviewing my calendar, i noted that friday, september 9 was looking to be a great day.  i was going to play basketball and then casually walk into work, read a bit of email, attend two morning meetings and then ease into the weekend.

friday morning at 4am, my alarm sounded.  i got up, assembled my things, got into my truck and drove to the gym.  i started my routine of 30 minutes walking on the treadmill followed by walking downstairs to the basketball gym and began warming up to play basketball.  as the other players walked into the gym, i noted that we would have 5 on 5 and be able to play on the full court.

i played well.  wednesday morning ball was really good for me and i was hoping to have another good day.  we played several games and i felt really good.  i had good shots, was aggressive and played solid defense.  it was a good day of basketball.

after cooling off and cleaning up, i headed to the office.  the morning started off as expected.  then things began to change.  two meetings turned into several.  i had expected to interact with just one customer on friday, but as the day progressed, i ended up fighting several fires for four of my five customers.  and these were not minor issues.  all of them had big issues that needed to be dealt with - and all the issues needed to be dealt with at the same time.

i remained calm and focused.  i tried to remain indifferent about the entire situation and tried to cooly and dispassionately assess the issues and deal with them accordingly.

by 4pm, the last of the issues reared its head.  and while my co-workers were starting their weekends, i was just beginning to settle the final issue of the day.  after the initial wave of the issue passed, i got off the phone and began my analysis of the problem.  by 5pm, i was ready to send an email to the managers when one of the called.  he was suggesting that we meet saturday to discuss, but i informed him i had completed my analysis and that we could meet immediately.  we reconvened in the 2nd manager's office at 520pm.

while walking over to his office, i mused how a year ago, if i had been in this situation, i most likely would have been a bundle of anxiety and fear.  however, after a year's experience on the job and after trying to consciously practice stoicism, i realized i felt calm amid this seemingly big storm.

the meeting lasted about 90 minutes and after much discussion, the managers' concerns were settled.  i was leaving work at 7pm on a friday evening and i still had my calm.

case studies in stoicism: the $1M issue

while enjoying my vacation in colorado, i would occasionally log into my work email and check my inbox.  most emails were low priority, but there were two issues that appeared to be brewing.  one, i could manage when i returned to work.  the other had the potential to impact a project budget by $1M;  to put it in context, a $1M issue is somewhat of a 'big deal' with the project manager.

the issue was complex enough that i did not immediately react to the email, nor did i respond to the email.  i decided i needed a clearer head and that the issue was not so urgent that it could wait until i returned.  then i put on my stoic glasses and tried to view the issue in context.

was this anything in my control?  should i worry about this for the remainder of my vacation?  was the $1M 'real' or was it a non-issue?

i decided it was not wholly in my control and even if it were a real issue, i would still need to gather second and third opinions to confirm before any communication up-line to project managers and management.  i focused on enjoying my vacation.

when i returned from vacation, i re-read emails, talked to people and held meetings to fully understand the issue.

as it turned out, it was a non-issue.  it was a 'behind-the-scenes' accounting task that was not going to cause the project to go over by $1M.

the pre-stoic version of me would have worried and stewed over this email all during my vacation and up to the point of confirming it was a non-issue.  the stoic version of me was able to focus on the present (my vacation) and had less worry.

seneca: dialogues and essays (john davie) - on providence

"i shall restore you to good relations with the gods, who are best to the best men.  for it is not Nature's way to let good ever do harm to good; between good men and the gods exists a friendship sealed by virtue.  friendship, do i say?  no, rather it is a bond of relationship and similarity, since undoubtedly a good man differs from god only in the sphere of time; he is god's pupil and imitator, his true offspring whom that illustrious parent, no gentle trainer in virtue, rears with severity, as strict fathers do.  and so, when you see good men of whom the gods approve toiling and sweating, with a steep road to climb, and bad men, on the other hand, enjoying themselves, surrounded by pleasures, consider that our sons please us by their self-control, but our house-slaves by their free spirit, that we restrain the former by tighter discipline and nurture the latter's boldness of manner.  it is no different with god, let me assure you: he does not pamper a good man like a favorite slave; he puts him to the test, hardens him, and makes him ready for his service." (4)

"adversity's onslaughts are powerless to affect the spirit of a brave man." (4)

"[man] conquers [external forces], and as a man who in all else is calm and tranquil of mind he rises to face whatever attacks him.  all adversity he regards as a training exercise." (4)

"excellence withers without an adversary: the time for us to see how great it is, how much its force, is when it displays its power through endurance.  i assure you, good men should do the same: they should not be afraid to face hardships and difficulties, or complain of fate; whatever happens, good men should take it in good part, and turn it to a good end; it is not what you endure that matters, but how you endure it." (5)

"it is a father's heart that god shows to good men; he loves them in a manly way, and says, 'let them know the pain of toil, of suffering, of loss, so that they may acquire true strength,'" (5)

"you have passed through life with no antagonist to face you; no one will know what you were capable of, not even yourself.  for a man needs to be put to the test if he is to gain self-knowledge; only by trying does he learn what his capacities are." (10)

"true worth is eager for danger." (10)

"you would come to know a ship's pilot in a storm and a soldier in the line of battle.  how can i know with what strength of mind you would face poverty, if you abound in wealth? .., disaster is the opportunity for true worth." (11)

"and so it is that god hardens, reviews, and disciplines those who have won his approval and love; but those whom he seems to favor, whom he seems to spare, he is keeping soft against the misfortunes that are to come.  you are wrong if you think anyone has been exempted from ill; the man who has known happiness for many a year will receive his share some day; whoever seems to have been set free from this has only been granted a delay." (11)

"shun luxury, shun good fortune that makes men weak and causes their minds to grow sodden, and, unless something happens to remind them of their human lot, they waste away, lulled to sleep, as it were, in a drunkenness that has no end." (11)

"would it not be better to endure unending misfortune, having enlisted the help of virtue, than to burst with limitless and extravagant blessings?  men meet a gentler death through starvation, but explode from gorging themselves." (12)

"surely you don't suppose that spartans hate their children when they test their character by means of public floggings?  their own fathers encourage them to endure bravely the blows of the lash, and ask them, mangled and half-dead though they are, to continue offering their wounded backs to further woulds.  what, then, is remarkable in god testing noble spirits with severity?" (12)

"fortune lays into us with the whip and tears our flesh: let us endure it.  it is not cruelty but a contest, and the more often we engage in it, the stronger our hearts will be: the sturdiest part of the body is the one that is kept in constant use.  we must offer ourselves to Fortune, so that in struggling with he, we may be hardened by her: little by little she will make us a match for her, and constant exposure to risk will make us despise dangers.  so the bodies of mariners are tough from the buffeting of the sea, the hands of the farmers calloused, the muscles of soldiers strong to enable them to hurl the javelin, the legs of athletes agile: in each case the part of the body exercised is the strongest.  it is by enduring ills that the mind can acquire contempt for enduring them." (12)

"it is expedient even for good men, in order that they may be fearless, to spend much time in fearful pursuits, and to endure with a patient mind things that are bad only to the one who bears them badly." (13)

"toil summons the best men." (13)

"good men work, spend their energies and have them spent and all without complaint; they are not dragged along by Fortune but follow her and match her pace." (13-14)

"we should endure everything with courage, because it is not by accident, as we suppose, that everything happens, but by design ... what is the duty of a good man? to offer himself to fate." (14)

"as fire tests gold, so misfortunes tests brave men." (15)

"the soul that is earth-bound and sluggish will follow the safe course: virtue takes to heights." (15)

2016.08.14 morning walk

when i play basketball, i go not only to raise early in the morning and welcome my day, but i go to exercise my body.  and when i play basketball, i will go with a social mind.  miss a shot - leave it be; no need for loud grunts.  a moving pick - move around it the more quickly.  a bad call - exercise virtue; self-restraint.

i go not only to play basketball and to exercise, but i go to keep my mind tranquil.

2016.08.13 morning walk, thoughts

do not let the burdens of debt hang over you like gloom.  this is not a misfortune, but it is good fortune to demonstrate your commitment and ability to practice courage.  it will not last forever.  make a plan; execute the plan; be happy.

order your life.  order it at work.  order it in the family.  order it in the present.

spend time with J, Em, B, Er & C.  commit time with them; teach them order.  understand what makes them tick.

the caine mutiny by herman wouk

queeg playing with his balls while testifying in the trial

i read the caine mutiny by herman wouk over my vacation last week.

good book - held my interest the entire time.  i don't know if the experience of willie keith or any of the other characters, was typical of the wwii sailor or not.  the book was quite popular when it came out in 1951, just a few years after the war ended.  shortly after the book came out, it was made into a movie with humphrey bogart.  with this in mind, it must have hit a collective nerve with the nation.

the movie has a 92% freshness along with an 87% liked rating.  i watched the movie from amazon after i finished the book.  similarly to the book, the movie held my attention, but i don't think bogart did a great job of portraying queeg.

the plot does a pretty good job of making the reader guess what is going to happen.  i could feel the 'set-up' when keith didn't like captain de vries (the first captain of the caine).  so it wasn't too surprising when keith seemingly wished de vries was the captain instead of queeg.  naturally, i felt that queeg was crazy - not clinically, but rather he was just a crazy captain in the sense that he was incompetent.  i would imagine that many people have seen other people similar to queeg.  queeg was "never wrong" and made any excuse possible to demonstrate he was right.

i was cheering when mayrk finally commandeered the caine and relieved queeg.  i felt confident mayrk would be acquitted ... until greenwald explained the nature of the situation.  the trial was the best part of the book.  i often wondered if "a few good men" received its inspiration from the caine mutiny.

the most shocking part of the book was when greenwald excoriated keefe.  i didn't see that coming.  i imagine that was put into the book to satisfy military meat-heads.  from a civilian perspective, mayrk did what any normal person would do.  but from a military perspective, respect for command is supreme.

after the trial, the book seemed to drag on too long.  the wrap up of the keith - may wynn relationship was kind of dumb.  they don't even get together at the end of the book.  in the movie, they seem end up together.

one other note - keith's dad was not in the movie.  but in the book, he seemed to play a quasi big role in persuading keith to stick it out with may wynn.  i particularly liked the letter his father wrote to him.

in summary - good book!  i'd give it 7 out of 10.