Epictetus Discourses 4.7 - On freedom from fear

it's about the game, not about owning more dice

Of freedom from fear

My journey into Stoicism began over a decade ago.  After graduating high school, and after living in a foreign country for two years serving a church mission and after graduating from college and getting married and starting a family and working full time, I began to feel like something wasn't right.  I suffered from bouts of depression - especially on the weekends.  Between 2007 and 2014, the bouts got worse and worse, until my reasoning got to the point where I thought ending my life was more bearable than continuing to live.  Those were dark days.  It was like looking over a vast chasm that was pitch black and contemplating jumping into it.  There was real fear in my soul.

Instead of jumping, I reached out for help.  First to my wife, then to some others and eventually to a trusted therapist.  My therapist was able to help me correct some faulty internal thinking using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.  After I learned what CBT is, I then learned that it had strong similarities with Stoicism.  From there, I learned of Donald Robertson, Ryan Holiday, then Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and Epictetus.  The dark days, as I call them, have never returned and I doubt they ever will.  I can return to that vast, dark chasm and look down, but now I experience no fear whatsoever.  This is the freedom Stoicism offers.

Epictetus talks of a similar situation - that of staring at death in the form of a tyrant.

if someone who has no particular desire either to die or to live, but is happy to accept whatever is granted, comes into the presence of the tyrant, what is to prevent him from approaching him without fear? - 'Nothing.' - If someone feels the same, then, about his property, and his children, as that man feels about his body, and in short, he has been brought into such a state by some madness or despair that he doesn't care whether he has them or not, but as children playing with bits of pottery (dice) compete with one another in the game without caring about the bits of pottery, so he too has come to set no value on material things, but merely takes pleasure in the game and its moves, what tyrant could still inspire him with fear, or what guards, or what swords of theirs? (v 4-5, p. 254)

If someone who is mad (crazy) or someone who is in despair can achieve this state of mind, then surely "reason and demonstration [can] teach people that God has made all that is in the universe, and the universe itself as a whole, to be free from hindrance, and self-sufficient, and has made all the parts of it to serve the needs of the whole?" (v. 6, p. 254)  When that person has come to an understanding of this logic, there is nothing that can prevent them "from living with a light heart and easy mind, calmly awaiting whatever may happen, and putting up with what has already happened." (v. 12, p. 255).  That is the true Stoic mental state.

There is an old movie, based on an old book, which has an interesting scene in it.  It is from A River Runs Through It and it is about how the young Maclean is learning how to write well.  His father makes him write the same paper over and over again until it has been written well.  Once he accomplishes it, his father tells him to throw it away!  If you are like me, you might gasp a bit about all that work, only to be crumpled and tossed into the trash.  But, the ends have been achieved!  The young Norman Maclean learned what his father wanted him to learn.  The goal was not to write a perfect paper to be framed and published.  The goal was to have gone through the learning.  You can see this scene here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gA-sEfXOaEQ

Similarly, we must approach life and even our life itself.  The goal is not to hold onto wealth, health, possessions, fame, wife, children.  The goal is to go through the experience and to exercise what is truly yours: your use of judgement, impressions and virtues.

If the universe or God wishes you to be poor, then "bring it on" and demonstrate the part of "a good actor to play the part."  If the universe or fate wishes you to "hold office," then "bring it on."  If you should no longer hold office?  Bring it on.  If you should suffer hardships; bring it on.  To go into exile; bring it on.  You must learn to embrace this attitude: "Wherever I go, all will be well with me ... not because of the place [in time or space] but because of my judgements." (see v. 13-14, p. 255)

Your judgements are: you hold wealth, possessions, fame, health, relationships as externals and indifferents.  These things are the clay of life and inherently have no value.  The value is in what you do with the clay - what your unique judgement and virtue demonstrates.  "Let others be afraid [of losing or gaining] such things!  For my part I've enquired into them, and no one holds any power over me.  I've been set free by God, I know his commands, no one has the power any longer to enslave me, I have the right emancipator, I have the right judges." (v. 16-17, p. 256)

As for the tyrant, "I have no fear" of him or the way he can treat me.  "Why should I admire him any longer, why should I be in awe of him, why should I be afraid of his guards?  Why should I rejoice if he speaks kindly to me and offers me a welcome, and why should I tell others how he spoke to me?  Is he Socrates, by any chance, or Diogenes, that his praise should provide proof of what I am?" (v. 28-29, p. 257)

Don't be like those people whose concern is for living in "marble halls" or having hundred of people working for them ("slaves") or who are concerned about wearing "eye-catching clothes" or having many possessions, listening to the latest music, seeing the newest movies or getting the newest tech (see v. 37, p. 258).  As long as they "devote [their] concern to external things, [they'll] own more of those than anyone else" but their "ruling part" of them will be "filthy and neglected." (v. 41, p. 259)

But rather, be like a child, whose goal is to play the dice game.  They want to roll the dice and enjoy the game.  They value the game more than owning the dice!

Commentary on Meditations: B5:20

In one respect man is something with the closest affinity to us, in that it is our duty to do good to men and tolerate them. But in so far as some are obstacles to my proper work, man joins the category of things indifferent to me - no less than the sun, the wind, a wild animal. These can impede some activity, yes, but they form no impediments to my impulse or my disposition, because here there is conditional commitment and the power of adaptation. The mind adapts and turns round any obstacle to action to serve its objective: a hindrance to a given work is turned to its furtherance, an obstacle in a given path becomes an advance.

As mentioned many times already, humans were made for humans - our purpose is to interact and help each other.  It is part of our nature - it's what makes us human.  As Marcus says, "it is our duty to do good to men and tolerate them."

He then goes on to mention that other humans can be obstacles to us (in action), but they do not impede our ability to have a good attitude.  Furthermore, our mind - our rational nature - can turn these obstacles into advantages or lessons.  It is this passage that Ryan Holiday based his popular book The Obstacle is the Way.  His book is chock-full of stories about people who have used obstacles to their advantage.

A short, more modern-day cliche, way to put this idea is, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade."  This idea of the obstacle becoming the way is all about attitude.  It's about making the most out of events that don't go as expected.  Life is full of stories of people who seemingly failed at one endeavor, only to find that along they way, they found their way.  Another book that is full of these types of examples, is Scott Adams' book How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big.

My advice to you is: start paying attention to successful peoples' stories.  Almost always, you will find "failure" and "defeat" and those same failures and defeats become the the path that leads them to how they became successful.

(see also Citadel p. 197)

Back to School and Hard Work

I work with middle and high schoolers quite often.  Here is a "pep talk" I give to them and my kids every year at the start of the school year.  It is largely based off the book The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday.

You will face obstacles this year, especially during the school year.  How you perceive and react to them will make all the difference as to whether you will be successful or not.

Discipline your perception
One person can perceive tough times as bad, while another sees them as valuable lessons.

"How blessed young men are who have to struggle for a foundation and beginning in life.  I shall never cease to be grateful for the 3 1/2 years of apprenticeship and the difficulties to be overcome, all along the way." - John D. Rockefeller (p. 15)

Where one person sees a crisis, another sees and opportunity.

Too often we react emotionally, get despondent and lose our perspective.  All that does is turn bad things into really bad things.  Unhelpful perceptions can invade our minds and throw off our compass.

Steady your nerves
Story of Ulysses S. Grant and photograph (p. 24) or read this more detailed account.

You will get stressed, you will be tired and people will try to get under your skin.  How will you react?  Will you give in or will you react with grace and poise and a cool head?

Nerve is a matter of defiance and control.

"I refuse to acknowledge that" "I don't agree to be intimidated"  "I resist the temptation to call this a failure"  Steel yourself!

Control your emotions
When people panic, they make mistakes.

Panic has to be trained out of your mind.

Cultivate the skill of not panicking so you can focus your energy exclusively on solving problems, rather than reacting to them.

We defeat emotions and panic with logic.  Logic is simply asking questions and providing answers.

Do I need to freak out about this?  Does freaking out add value?

Practice objectivity
This happened and it is bad: is two statement.  This happened is objective; it is bad is subjective

Think, perceive, act - our animal instincts train us to do those 3 things in a matter of seconds.  We need to cut off the process after Think

Don't add opinion … the way to do this is to strip everything down
- Roasted meat is just dead animal
- Latest iphone is just wires and a battery
- See things as they are, without the added emotion

Anything that stands in your way, break it down; see it objectively

Alter your perspective
When fear strikes you, break it apart

Pericles and Greek Navy on a mission when the sun was eclipsed; his men feared.  Pericles took his cloak, and held it around his steersman face (blocking his vision) and asked him if he was scared of what he saw - no.  So what does it matter it if is a cloak or something else that blocks the light (detailed story here).

We choose how we will view the world

Change your context (get a bigger picture of the world)

Frame it differently - how do you view this as an opportunity?

Is it up to you?
(what is in your control vs out of your control)
Tommy Johns - read the story p. 40-42

My story of my senior year and being cut from the basketball team

Live in the present moment - focus on the task at hand now
The companies that started during the Depression or economic down times

Focus on the moment, not the monsters that may or may not be ahead.

Sufficient the day …

Think differently - don't listen too closely to critics
- Steve Jobs
- Obstacles illuminate new options

Finding the opportunity
German blitzkrieg was 'unstoppable', but Allies found the obstacle is the solution (p. 53)

"The present situation is to be regarded as an opportunity for us, not a disaster"

What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.

Commentary on Meditations: B4:1-2

Wherever it is in agreement with nature, the ruling power within us takes a flexible approach to circumstances, always adapting itself easily to both practicality and the given event. It has no favoured material for its work, but sets out on its objects in a conditional way, turning any obstacle into material for its own use. It is like a fire mastering whatever falls into it. A small flame would be extinguished, but a bright fire rapidly claims as its own all that is heaped on it, devours it all, and leaps up yet higher in consequence.

No action should be undertaken without aim, or other than in conformity with a principle affirming the art of life.

Ryan Holiday's book The Obstacle is the Way is based off the premise of this passage.

Recall that the ruling power within you is often referred to as the divinity within and is known as your daimon. And sometimes, this ruling power is referred to as the hegemonikon. This is your rational power. This is the portion of you that decides what to do when something is up to you.

The true key to resiliency is attitude and how you view the world. Each of us has a "ruling power" - the essence of what makes us human - the ability to choose how we think, feel and act. And this ruling power is flexible. That is the secret sauce - we are not some robot made of some rigid set of rules that we never deviate from. We can change our perspective regardless of circumstances, events and other peoples' actions and attitudes.

As Hadot quotes Seneca in The Inner Citadel, he says, "A good person dyes events with his own color ... and turns whatever happens to his own benefit." (p. 199).

The other concept to remember about turning obstacles into opportunities is to view everything as practice. Earthquakes, bad presentations, little sleep, a car wreck, health problems ... all can be seen as opportunities to improve your resiliency - opportunities to show your mettle. And this brings me to my next point. These things I just listed off are also known as indifferents. You cannot practice your art or excellence unless there are events and indifferents on which to practice. We need indifferents to demonstrate excellence.

To conclude, let me share a favorite movie scene from Batman Begins. Bruce Wayne is in a foreign prison and is about to be beat up. The big dude about to bust his chops threatens him, to which Bruce responds, "you're not the devil, you're practice." This is the type of attitude we should assume whenever we face some trial or challenge or temptation. Each of these indifferents or obstacles are opportunities to practice your excellence of what is up to you.

(see also Citadel p. 198)

br: obstacle - the discipline of perception

over the course of my career, i've heard so many managers call a bad situation an 'opportunity' that it drove me nuts.  why could they not simply call it what it was - a menace, an annoyance, misfortune or whatever.  by why all this spin and political correctness?  for years this bothered me, then it simply became amusing and finally it became an attitude after learning of stoicism.

in the chapter entitled 'the discipline of perception' we learn of john d rockefeller and his secret to building an empire.  in the course of his life, through multiple obstacles, rockefeller developed an ability to keep a cool head in the face of adversity.  while his competitors would become fearful and anxious, and only see doom, and would cut and run, rockefeller would see opportunity and figure out a way to turn it to his advantage.

another phrase that has bothered me over the years is a phrase i often heard in the last couple of presidential elections: 'never let a crisis go to waste'  i guess it bothered me because the politicians who often used the phrase would exacerbate the social problems the crisis created.  however, i don't think the phrase only applies to one political party.  no matter the situation or crisis, we can choose to have an attitude that works t our advantage.

in summary, those who are overcome with fear and anxiety should heed the example of rockefeller.  seize the initiative; own the bad situation and train your attitude to figure out a way to make things work for you instead of against you.

let me wrap up with some advice from the author.

you will come across obstacles in life—fair and unfair. and you will discover, time and time again, that what matters most is not what these obstacles are but how we see them, how we react to them, and whether we keep our composure. you will learn that this reaction determines how successful we will be in overcoming—or possibly thriving because of—them.

there are a few things to keep in mind when faced with a seemingly insurmountable obstacle.

we must try:
to be objective
to control emotions and keep an even keel
to choose to see the good in a situation
to steady our nerves
to ignore what disturbs or limits others
to place things in perspective
to revert to the present moment
to focus on what can be controlled

br: "the obstacle is the way"

over the next several weeks, i will be sharing my thoughts and opinions about ryan holiday's book "the obstacle is the way"

i've been reading it for several weeks, mostly reading and re-reading several chapters.  this book is one of those books that is suited to be read at any point and at any time.  it is almost like a daily reader type book.

as i read it, i'd like to summarize the chapters, opine and discuss how it applies to my own life.

if you come across any of these posts, feel free to comment or raise discussion points.