Letters from a Stoic 10 - On Living to Oneself

On Living to Oneself

This is a simple, short letter, but one that needs a bit of unpacking.

This first part of the letter, in which Seneca states, "avoid the many, avoid the few, avoid even the individual," speaks of balance.  There is a time when the individual should avoid the many - the crowds.  There is a time for when the individual should avoid the few.  And there is a time for when the individual should avoid solitude.

The concept that Seneca is trying to share here, is one of caution and learning.  If someone is uneducated, then spending time by himself will not help him improve.  Therefore, it would be prudent for him to find a mentor or teacher.  If someone is newly educated, but needs practice, it would be prudent for him to avoid the uneducated crowds, and perhaps spend more time with peers who are also learning.  I think this is what Seneca is trying to convey.

He recommends to Lucilius, that he should be OK spending time with himself.  Upon hearing Lucilius speak, Seneca thought to himself,

These words did not come from the edge of the lips; these utterances have a solid foundation. This man is not one of the many; he has regard for his real welfare.

Seneca seems to judge Lucilius as well-grounded and well educated, and therefore, Lucilius can trust himself to be with himself as he introspects.

The latter part of the letter delves into prayers to the gods.  If you are a praying sort of person, then the evaluation of your prayers ought to be conducted.  Are you praying to receive indifferents?  Or are you praying for something that the gods have already granted you?  Seneca offers this advice, "pray for a sound mind and for good health, first of soul and then of body." This perspective focuses the plea for help from the cosmos, on the person. In a sense, it is a plea for help with accepting what Nature has given us. However, if one prays as if they were creating a list of things they want from Santa Claus, then they have erred in the correct way to pray.

His closing quote also deals with desires and prayer.

Know that thou art freed from all desires when thou hast reached such a point that thou prayest to God for nothing except what thou canst pray for openly.

This passage reminds me of the quote from Crates of Thebes - practice being in need of only a few things.

Stoic Week 2018: Monday

Morning Reflection
The wise person does nothing that he could regret, nothing against his will, but does everything honourably, consistently, seriously, and rightly; he anticipates nothing as if it is bound to happen, but is shocked by nothing when it does happen …. and refers everything to his own judgement, and stands by his own decisions. I can conceive of nothing which is happier that this.
– Cicero, Tusculan Disputations 5.81

Mid-day Reflection
Sit quietly and take 5-10 minutes writing down the things which you think are most valuable in your life and comparing these with the Stoic view of happiness, noting the key Stoic themes (virtue, order, care for self and others).

Four years ago, while seeing a therapist, she advised I take a values test to help me identify what is truly important to me.

My dominate Social values were: Community, Family & Friends

My dominate Realistic values were: Hard work & diligence

My dominate Traditional value was: Stability

My dominate Theoretical value was: Intellectualism

My dominate Political value was: Power & Influence

My dominate Aesthetic value was: Appreciation of beauty

All of these values ring true for me.  Almost all that I do in my life is for the benefit of my family, followed by the benefit of my community.  I think these values are aligned with Stoicism.  Stoicism has taught me to focus on things that are in my control and to furthermore, acknowledge that practicing virtue is entirely in my control and that by so-doing, I can attain happiness or at least be content with the life I live.

So much of my "former life" (life before Stoicism) was lived like a roller coaster.  I would have peaks of happiness and elation followed by long stretches of nothingness and then a somewhat frequent dip into the valley of anxiety, fear and despair.  I longed to be even keeled all the time.  Enter Stoicism.

Now, I constantly observe events and quickly categorize things into "under my control" and "not under my control."  I've realized that despite the long list of events that I have no control over, I can still find contentment and acceptance.  My wild bouts of elation seem to have passed too.

Interestingly enough, by living a more Stoic-like life, I've found peace through stability - which is one of the values important to me.

Evening Reflection
Will there come a day, my soul, when you are good and simple and unified […] some day will you have a taste of a loving and affectionate disposition? Some day will you be satisfied and want for nothing […] Or will you be contented instead with your present circumstances and delighted with everything around you and convince yourself that all you have comes from the gods, and that all that is pleasing for them is well for you? Will there come a day when you are so much a member of the community of gods and humans as neither to bring any complaint against them nor to incur their indignation? – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 10.1

One of the biggest benefits of Stoicism, in my opinion, is the quieting of the mind and the desires that stir within us.  As these things become more quiet, we become more content and 'at peace' with events that happen in life.

I'm reminded of a quote I came across a while back; it is by Crates (link):

practice being in need of only a few things, for this is the closest thing to god. for the gods need nothing. but, so that you may learn more exactly what is involved in having few needs ... reflect that children have more needs than adults, women than men, invalids than the healthy, and, in general, the inferior everywhere has more needs than the superior. therefore the gods have need of nothing and those nearest to them have the fewest needs.

Commentary on Meditations: B1.5

5. From my tutor: not to become a Green or Blue supporter at the races, or side with the Lights or Heavies in the amphitheatre; to tolerate pain and feel few needs; to work with my own hands and mind my own business; to be deaf to malicious gossip.

I love watching sports, but when I was younger, I would get caught up in the game and become too obsessed. I recall a number of times watching my team lose, and I became quite upset.  Perhaps, this is what Marcus’s tutor was hinting at when he advised the young Marcus to not become a fan or choose a side in these events. Or maybe his tutor saw all of it as a waste of time.

Next in the passage, Marcus was impressed with how his tutor was able to tolerate pain.  How many times have you seen someone who cries out in pain, and, in a sense, it is a bit annoying.  There is a part of us that wants to be courageous when it comes to pain.  Think of the times you've experienced pain.  Sometimes you just have to endure it.  I’ve learned to try to "step outside of my pain" and to look at your pain from an outside perspective.  It helps me endure it better.

The phrase (quote) to feel few needs (quote) reminds me of another stoic thought from Crates of Thebes.  He noted that there is a scale of "needs" in various people and then all the way to the gods. Some people, like children, have quite a lot of needs, but the gods need little.  The entire quote from Crates goes like this (you can read this entire thought here):

practice being in need of only a few things, for this is the closest thing to god. for the gods need nothing.  but, so that you may learn more exactly what is involved in having few needs ... reflect that children have more needs than adults, women than men, invalids than the healthy, and, in general, the inferior everywhere has more needs than the superior. therefore the gods have need of nothing and those nearest to them have the fewest needs.

Next, Marcus learned from his tutor to work with his hands. This part of the passage means a few practical things to me, such as to clean up after yourself, to do yard work, and appreciate and embrace physical labor.  At the very least, this will help you appreciate a career.

His tutor also teaches him to mind his own business. This could mean one of two things.  It could mean to "manage your own business or try to do as much for yourself as you can" or it could mean the traditional sense of not being nosy.  In either case, it is sound advice.

Lastly, Marcus admires the admonition of being deaf to malicious gossip. We do not have control over what others think or say.  So-and-so has said this about you. That is all. Leave it at that.  Hold no ill will and simply seek the higher ground.

practice being in need of only a few things

While perusing a Stoic blog today, I came across this post.

In that post, there was a quote.  I searched this quote and found the full quote at this link.

Here is the quote by crates of thebes:

practice being in need of only a few things, for this is the closest thing to god.
for the gods need nothing.  but, so that you may learn more exactly what is involved in having few needs ... reflect that children have more needs than adults, women than men, invalids than the healthy, and, in general, the inferior everywhere has more needs than the superior. therefore the gods have need of nothing and those nearest to them have the fewest needs.

Tt is a worthy pursuit, in all aspects of life, to need little.  in possessions; in entertainment; in clothing; in food.

In Seneca's On Tranquility, he says “Come, then, look at the world: you will see that the gods are bare, conferring everything but possessing nothing. Do you think a man who has shed all his gifts of fortune is a pauper, or like the immortal gods?” (8.5, trans by Elaine Fantham).

The wikisource  / Aubrey Stewart translation states: "Look upon the universe: you will see the gods quite bare of property, and possessing nothing though they give everything. Do you think that this man who has stripped himself of all fortuitous accessories is a pauper, or one like to the immortal gods?"

In a similar vein, Epictetus teaches, "In things to do with the body - food, drink, clothes, housing, and servants - take only what you need, and cut out everything that is for show or luxury" (Enchiridion 33).

And again: "It is the mark of a crude disposition to spend most of one's time on bodily functions such as exercise, eating, drinking, defecating, and copulating.  These are things to be done just incidentally.  All your attention should be on your mind (Enchiridion 41).